The Mindlessness

The Home Stretch

2009-12-25T14:49:00.000-08:00

Living in New York City is a nearly indescribable experience. I love the feeling of independence and excitement the city brings. While living in New York, I saw all the major sites (Grand Central, Times Square, Central Park, Empire State Building, Brooklyn Bridge, Wall Street, Ground Zero, Penn Station, Madison Square Garden, Rockefellar, Little Italy, Chinatown, K-Town, Little India, Prospect Park, Yankee Stadium, Citi Field, New York Public Library, etc); ate food from so many different cultures (Italian, Chinese, Korean, Turkish, German, Jewish Delis, Japanese, Greek, Indian, French, Portuguese, Spanish, Belgian, Tibetan, Mongolian, Mediterranean, Thai, Vegetarian...); went to a bunch of museums (MoMA, Museum of Natural History, United Nations Tour); saw sports games (Red Sox vs. Yankees, Nationals vs. Mets, Mets vs. Yankees, Duke vs. Michigan @ MSG; UCLA vs. Michigan @ MSG); watched Broadway Shows (Wicked, Avenue Q, In the Heights, Eqqus, Phantom of the Opera); discovered some amazing bars/cafes/restaurants/pubs (The Ginger Man, Professor Thom's, Burp Castle, Spuyten Duyvil, The Blind Tiger, Tournesol, Cafe Henri, Taim, Kunjip, Cafe Triskell, Donovan's, Studio Square, Astoria Biergarten, Hallo Berlin, Grimaldi's, Carnegie Deli, Stage Deli...); traveled the east coast (Boston, Philly, Washington, DC); and kept myself entertained in so many other ways...

And then something happened. Something that marked the beginning of the end of my days in New York. Something that shocked me more than I expected.

I was accepted to law school.

Yep. Whether is was because of my college grades, my LSAT score, my resume, or even my knowledge of how to survive as a 20-something in New York, somebody seemed to think I stood a chance in the legal world. So, I'll be heading back to Los Angeles to start law school at USC. It's a weird feeling. I've been away from home for so long, and now I'm going back to Cali. I guess that literally makes this the home stretch.

So, now to chronicle my final days in the Big Apple....

Baseballs, Berlin and Babaganoush
(Brian and Travis' Visits)

Brian and Tyson drove from Michigan to New York and stayed with me for a few days. We did some of the usual sightseeing, eating, and bar-hopping. Our brunch at Cafe Henri was sublime, once again confirming the fact that Queens can hold its own when it comes to French fare. We enjoyed the lunch special at my favorite Korean restaurant, Kunjip. We also drank like Berliners at Hallo Berlin in Hell's Kitchen.

Standing at the steps of the New York Public Library.

My Café Crème at Café Henri.

Brian got some "Ultimate Breakfast" thing. He said that the fresh-squeezed orange juice was the best of his life.

Fresh fruit crèpe.

Waiting for his stew to cool off at Kunjip in K-Town.

Those Hallo Berlin steins make them look like natural Bavarians. Prost!

Wursts, Cabbage, Potato Salad and Beer. Does it get better than that?

We also went to the Nationals/Mets game at Citi Field. It was beautiful out - perfect for a Saturday afternoon game. Brian and Tyson snagged some surprisingly awesome seats, and we watched the Mets handle the Nats 8-2. I really enjoyed Citi Field, too! It reminded me of Dodger Stadium, and it didn't seem like the corporate hunk of concrete evil empire that Yankee Stadium is. I felt like I was among avid Mets fans who genuinely wanted to see their team prevail, rather than rich Upper East Siders who paid too much for their seats and could care less about who wins. The hot dog toppings are better at Citi Field, too. Way to go, Queens!

A few weeks later, Travis came to New York for another visit. In just a few days, we did A LOT and were ultra-efficient. We went bar-hopping throughout Hell's Kitchen and the Lower East Side, and I finally got to try out Burp Castle, a Belgian-style brew pup where they actually "shush" you if it gets too loud. It sounds strange, but it makes for an excellent venue if you just want to chat over a couple of good beers.

I also used Travis as an excuse to finally try out Taïm, a Medeterranean hole-in-the-wall food place in the Village. I say "food place" because it can't possibly qualify as a restaurant, seeing as how there's barely enough room inside to place an order. Travis got a falafal sandwich, and I had the babaganoush with beet salad and tabouleh. Then we walked over to Washington Square Park to eat and people-watch. My pita was sooooooooo good. In fact, I liked it so much that I went back once a week for a month.

Sometimes I cry when I look at this photo. Eggplant + Hummus + Beets + Tabouleh = Heaven.

We also tried out Sripraphai, the #1-rated Thai food restaurant in New York, which also happens to be two stops away from me down the 7-train. I like writing about this place, mostly because I sure as hell can't pronounce it. It's gotten so popular that we had to wait about an hour for a table. The food was pretty delicious, but it was also the spiciest meal I've ever endured. I usually like spicy food, but I couldn't even come close to finishing my meal there without tears streaming down my face and several bathroom breaks so I could, well....do what I can only describe as "bear Satan's child."

I planned for us to get a lot done on Saturday since I wasn't working and I could dedicate all of my energy to showing Travis a good time in New York. We got up early and hopped on the E-train toward the East Village for brunch at Tartine, a quaint little café about a block off of Bleeker. I made sure we got there as early as possible because the sidewalk seating fills up fast. We each ordered omellettes - mine was an egg white omellette with spinach, and Travis' was a regular omellete with ham and cheese. Our waitress brought us an egg white omellete with ham and cheese, and a regular omellete with spinach. So, yeah, it was totally wrong. She was so apologetic that she quickly replaced our orders and gave us each an almond croissant on the house. In the end, the croissants were my favorite part of the meal, but I'll discuss my croissant experience in New York elsewhere...

Curbside dining and people-watching at Tartine is fun, but the seats fill up fast.

I also managed to score tickets for the Mets/Yankees game at Yankee Stadium for some more weekend afternoon baseball. Once again, it was beautiful out, and really an exciting game. The Yanks throttled the Mets 15-0. I could care less about either team, but it was interesting to see Johan Santana pitch one of the absolute worst games of his career. Travis was certainly happy to see his favorite baseball team rout the opposition.

Our seats were high. Very high.

As far as Yankee Stadium is concerned, I'm not sure I would consider it a true all American baseball-watching experience. The stadium is like a flashy mall, and the ticket prices are so expensive that the front sections are always empty, forcing the true fans back to the upper bleachers. The beer and food selection is pretty impressive, with Sushi, Boar's Head deli fare, healthy salads, and over a dozen beers on tap. Still, isn't it only right to have a traditional hot dog at a baseball game? And I prefer to spend less than $11 on a beer, especially when served in a plastic cup.

After the game, we attempted to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art, mostly because I heard that the rooftop had one of the best views of Central Park that the city has to offer. Unfortunately, in our attempts to cross Central Park East, we were intercepted by THE PUERTO RICAN PRIDE PARADE. No evasive manuveurs could allow us to make it across to the steps of the museum, and we couldn't make it in time before it closed. Qué triste!

Instead, we hopped a train to Madison Square Park and stumbled across the New York Barbeque Block Party! The wonderful scent of steaks and ribs filled the park and trashy people were ubiquitous. The booming country music in the background completed the unique experience. After some quick eye-rolling and photo-shooting, we boarded the N/W train to partake in some indulgence of our own.

Country Music Stage at the Mullet Festival - I mean, the Barbeque Block Party. This whole thing kind of reminded me of my visits to Ohio.

We headed to Studio Square, the new beergarden slash event space in Long Island City. I stumbled across their website one day and made sure to drop in for opening weekend and immediately fell in love with it. Even though it was starting to get cold, I really wanted Travis to experience it for himself. Just like any beergarden, the tables are set up picnic-style so you can drink and chat with the complete strangers sitting next to you. At Studio Square, they have a rotating tap of about eight different beers for $7 each, plus Sangria on tap (which still continues to boggle my mind). The brats look pretty good, too, but I prefer something more authentically Bavarian.

If you've never experienced a beergarden, it should be added to your bucket list.

I was curious about a blueberry beer they had on tap and the bartender let me have a sip. It really did taste like blueberries, but I didn't think I could handle an entire stein of such a sweet beer. Instead, I got one of my local faves: Captain Lawrence Ale. I first tried it at the Astoria Biergarten a few weeks earlier when a dirty-looking and unemployed 27-year old at my table offered me some from their pitcher. Since I have a policy of always accepting drink recommendations from unemployed people, I was happy to try it - and I'm glad I did!

Anyway, Travis selected the Sangria and we enjoyed the friendly atmosphere of Studio Square. He liked his drink, which I had tried during my prior visit. You wouldn't think that sangria coming out of a tap at a bar would be very good, but....it is. There's plenty of yummy fresh fruit in it, which means they must be getting it imported from somewhere outside Queens, since all fruit in Queens is usually rotten. Once it started to cool off, we moved over to the fire pit that they have in the center of the courtyard. Believe me, fire and alcohol are always a good combination. I don't understand why more bars don't have firepits.

Travis and his Sangria. It's got Big Apple apples and non-rotten orange slices!

Life is much better when you have a stein in your hand.

From Studio Square, Travis and I walked over to my favorite restaurant in New York: Tournesol in Long Island City. It's a French restaurant with amazing food, delicious wines, and a staff of real Frenchies fresh off the boat from Europe. I had one of my favorite dishes: Moules Marienères (Steamed Mussels), while Travis had the Steak Frites (Steak and Fries). Travis liked his dish so much that he wanted to lick his plate at the end of the meal.

Travis' Steak Frites. It took all of his will power to refrain from drinking the bearnaise sauce straight out of the gravy bowl.

We walked off our wonderful meal by heading over to catch a view of the Manhattan skyline over the East River. There's a little boardwalk on the water where I like to take my friends when they visit, since it's one of the best views I've discovered and few people know about it. Across the way you can see the United Nations and the Chrysler Building, and the Water Taxi will float by from time to time.

The glorious view was a fitting end to a wonderful day. Only in New York can you have a delicious coffee in the Village, watch an exciting baseball game, be trampled by fervent Puerto Ricans, serenaded by rib-eating country music singers, treated with Sangria from a spout in the wall, and satiated with divine food and wine all in the same day.
S'Mac and Sunflowers
(Kevin and Jared's visit)

Kevin and Jared were my next vistors during this final home stretch. They managed to get a great deal on a hotel in Times Square, and the three of us enjoyed a fun weekend in the city. We strolled through Little Italy, enjoyed one of the best delis Manhattan has to offer, and had a quick lunch at 'Smac - an east side restaurant specializing in Mac 'n Cheese.

Kevin and Jared catch a quick pose while the rain momentarily subsides.

This was a peach filled with peach-flavored gelato in Little Italy.

Kevin, being the huge coffee fan that he is, can actually inhale one of these Italian coffee treats and fall asleep within minutes.

The famous Second Avenue Deli! Appropriately located on Third Avenue and 33rd Street!

S'mac and Cheese!

Jared loves cheese. I didn't have any, seeing as how I'm one of the few Americans who doesn't like Mac 'n Cheese. I felt very unwelcome in this establishment.

Unfortunately, the rainy weekend hindered our ability to stroll through the city and I wasn't able to take Jared and Kevin to a single beer garden. We did have a delicious dinner at Tournesol, however. Though they don't serve any food with sunflower in it (tournesol means "sunflower" in French), they are known for their French onion soup. So naturally, we each had their famous soupe à l'oignon, then Jared had poisson (fish) and Kevin had the poulet (chicken) for the main course. (I also decided that italicizing the French words makes it sound even more gourmet.) On our waiter's recommendation, I had the boeuf bourguignon. He convinced me to order that instead of my usual moules because, as he said, you can have moules anytime, but the boeuf bourguignon is "parfait" for a rainy day. It turned out to be the best dish I had in my entire year in New York. The mushrooms were so fresh and tasty, and the chunks of bacon were dreamlike (and I don't even like bacon!). It may have been a little salty toward the end of the meal, but only because my tears of intense joy may have dripped into the bowl.

There are no words....

I should really be their poster-boy or something. I love Tournesol in a borderline-unhealthy way. But I can't help it if I love every single thing they cook for me.

The Perfect Croissant

Toward the end of the Spring, I developed a strange obsession with Almond Croissants. It was triggered by my brunch at Tartine with Travis, described above. It was the first time I had ever had a croissant aux amandes, and I became an instant fan. From that moment, I made it my goal to discover the best almond croissant in all of New York. It was a strenuous and arduous endeavor, but I was up to the task. After grueling conditioning, laborious research, numerous taste tests, and pilgrimmages to the very edges of the subway map, I came up with my top almond croissants in New York City. Here are the final rankings:

#6 - Patisserie Claude

This patisserie is located on West 4th Street in the West Village. During my research, I read that Patisserie Claude was recognized in the past for its croissants, particularly those of the almond variety. So, after a quick little chat with the owner (she was not French at all), I made my purchase, walked over to Washington Square Park, and had a taste. The almond paste inside the croissant was quite good, with a nice almondy taste. The pastry portion, however, left much to be desired. It was a little mushy and soft, and did not have the flakiness of a traditional French croissant. Still, the almond paste was enough for this one to make the list.

(Sixth Place: Patisserie Claude)

#5 - Le Grainne Café

This café, located in Chelsea, came in 5th place in the croissant rankings. This turned out to be much the opposite of what Patisserie Claude had to offer. Here, the almond croissant had a nice flakiness to it, and it was nice and warm as if it was just pulled out of the over. On top of that, the chef was very liberal with the almond shavings, which I definitely enjoyed. Nonetheless, the almond paste inside the croissant was nearly nonexistent, which cost several points. As a whole, though, I enjoyed this restaurant. I even went back another time and had a delicious crèpe. In fact, I'm going to put a photo of that here instead.

(Fifth Place: Le Grainne Café)

#4 - Café Henri

I had been planning on meeting up with a friend for brunch, and I used this as an opportunity to try Café Henri's croissant. I heard that they go fast in the mornings, so I made sure to get there pretty soon after it opened. Overall, this one was pretty good. The pastry dough was nice and flaky, there were plenty of slivered almonds and just the right amount of sugar on top, and a fair amount of almond paste inside. My only problem was the relative lack of flavor compared to the other croissants. Seeing as how this café is located in Queens, maybe the chef bought his almonds at the same grocery store at which I buy my almonds. In other words, the almonds may be decades old.

(Fourth Place: Café Henri)

#3 - Le Bergamote

This bakery was a bit of a trek away from the E-train in Chelsea, but well worth the walk. The almond croissant here was quite good. It had plenty of almonds, a yummy filling, and a nice flaky crust. My only real complaint about it was that they went way overboard on the powdered sugar. In fact, I inhaled so much of it during the first bite that I started coughing over my food. Nevertheless, I would surely go back for a second if I ever have the chance, and the coffee there is also really good. The other pastries look delicious, as well.

(Third Place: La Bergamote)

#2 - Tartine

Yup. This is the one that prompted the obsession, and rightfully so. Tartine makes their almond croissants a little differently. First, they bake the croissant, then they slice it in half, add the almond paste in between the slices, and put it back in the oven for a little bit longer. Afterwards, they top it off with some almonds and sugar. The result is a masterful culinary creation, with plenty of almonds, and a terrific flaky crust. If there was one thing to complain about, it was that my croissant may have been cooked so long that it dried out slightly. Still, this is just a very minor flaw. And as far as aesthetics, Tartine definitely has the best-looking croissant. I would go back for another one (or two) of these in a heartbeat.

(Runner-Up: Tartine. Isn't it pretty-lookin'?)

#1 - Corrado Bread & Pastry

The number one croissant on my list was largely the result of simple luck. One day, while wandering through the Grand Central Terminal Farmers' Market, I stumbled across a bakery stand. Typically, Zaro's gets all the attention in this market, since it's right in the middle of everything. Corrado, however, is kind of jammed in the corner by the Lexington Avenue entrance, and usually has some old lady working who looks like she clearly doesn't want to be there. I'm not even sure if the name of the bakery is on display - I had to ask them for a card. Anyway, I noticed a couple of almond croissants in the display, and I figured I'd give one a try.

As I sat down and removed the croissant from the bag, it didn't even look that nice. But...from the very first bite, the flavors were heavenly. The crust was so soft and flaky and featured a buttery flavor that instanly reminded me of my croissants in Paris. I could tell that the almond slivers were slightly roasted, which added a wonderful dimension to the flavor. Best of all, the almond paste inside was absolutely divine. It was so sweet and yummy, and still warm from the oven. There was plenty of it throughout the inside of the croissant, so I was treated to its magnificence with each bite. As a whole, the balance of buttery flakiness, sweet powdered sugar, and sweet almond taste inside and out, made this one a home run. I loved this croissant so much that I went back three more times in the next two weeks. Each time, I savored my beloved croissant aux amandes with a nice cup of Vanilla Hazelnut Coffee from Oren's Daily Roast located across the terminal. The coffee and croissant complement each other perfectly, and make for a blissful start to any hectic day in New York.

(First Place! Who knew this croissant would taste so good? "Corrado" is the least French-sounding name on this list, and the croissant looks like something from Costco with a bunch of sugar on it - but it's amazing!)

Museum Day

The final days in New York went by so quickly, and there were still a few places on my list that I really wanted to visit. I spent a day knocking out some of these sights one-by-one. My first stop was the United Nations headquarters. Even though I worked a few blocks from the building, I never got a chance to take the tour. Nicky and I tried once earlier in the year and failed, since all the tours were booked. Fortunately, this time around, I managed to make the cut!

Yeah, you know you wish you were a certified member of the "Guided Tour Unit." You better be jealous.

It's my buddy, Kofi!

Main Chambers.

Guitar Gun? For shooting and singing with human rights offenders.

After the tour, I thought it would be funny to mail in my California absentee ballot from the United Nations Post Office using their fancy-schmancy stamps. The guy working there didn't think it was funny, though, and looked at me like I was a moron when I asked if I could mail my ballot. Then, when I took a picture of myself giggling and making out the postage, he freaked out and made me show him each photo on my camera - to make sure I didn't take a picture of anything sensitive, I guess? Anyway, it caused a little bit of a stir. That means that of the three times that I've visited United Nations headquarters in my life, I've caused a scene every time. This one wasn't as bad as when I accidentally smuggled my Swiss Army Knife into the United Nations in Geneva, though. Ooops.

Woot! Down with Proposition 8!

After the UN, I headed over toward Midtown and made one final visit to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York. It truly is one of the more beautiful cathedrals I've seen in the U.S. As always, I made sure to light a candle for my wonderful Grandma.

Next came a quick stop into La Maison du Chocolat in Rockefellar Plaza, follwed by a quick exit after realizing that I couldn't afford anything they sold.

Le Maison du Lotsa Things I Can't Afford.

My last cultural escapade was the Museum of Modern Art. My dad told me that there was a nice exhibit on medieval armour, and I also wanted to check out a temporary exhibit on the industrialization of Paris. I also made my way to the rooftop for a beautiful view of Central Park. It wasn't easy to get up there, either. It involved several confusing passageways, some roundabout twists and turns, three flights of stairs, and an effective display of sadness and confusion in order to get one of the ushers to point me in the right direction.

Slightly more useful than a guitar gun.

Nice old photo of Paris.

Oooh Monet Gardens....I crossed this bridge once. No, twice!

View of Central Park from the Met Museum rooftop. They also sell drinks up here for like $15/glass.

The Most Bizarre Sunday Ever

2009-06-07T16:41:00.001-07:00

So, today was the New York Paella Parade! All-you-can-eat Paella samplings from the top Spanish restaurants throughout the city, and unlimited Spanish wine to wash it down. To help build up my appetite, I headed to the gym first thing in the morning for a nice workout and a run.

On the way to the gym, I noticed that they were setting up for some event on my street in Jackson Heights. I had no clue what was going on, but I figured it was just some street fair or something, or some small community parade.

Port-a-Potties-a-Plenty!

Setting up for a parade?

In other awesome news, the Jackson Heights Sunday Greenmarket started up again! I stopped by on my way back from the gym:

Strawberries are in season, but they don't taste nearly as good as the California ones. I bought some delicious sugar snow snap peas though.

And of course, the delicious Paella Parade! It took place downtown at South Street Seaport. There were ten restaurants featuring delicious Spanish bliss. The ingredients were fresh, the seafood well-seasoned, and the plastic wine glasses ubiquitous. Take a look:

This one was my favorite. It's from Xicala Wine and Tapas Bar in the Village. The woman pictured is the head chef. Her daughter told me that it was an old family recipe that her mother brought over from Spain. It was seasoned so well, and the seafood was soooo fresh. It had perfectly cooked mussels in it, too. One of my faves....

Sooooo good....

The delicious Spanish wines being served. The white was lame, the rose decent, and the reds were sublime. Maybe the best wine I've ever consumed from a small plastic cup.

Also plenty of cheese and bread to go along with it.

A beautiful day in New York, and a beautiful view across from the Brooklyn Bridge. Yay for fake beaches!

With a full stomach and Latin music stuck in my head, I returned home to Jackson Heights. As I stepped off of the subway, I noticed that the streets were packed. It seemed that there was some kind of event going on. It didn't take too long before I figured out what it was. Welcome to the 2009 Jackson Heights Pride Festival!

Yeah, uhhh....yeah....

Wow, what a day! Only in this city. Nothing beats Sundays in New York (when it's nice out). Check out my sample cards from each of the Spanish restaurants. They also gave me a keychain and Paella spoon! Que bueno!

The Founders

2009-03-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

On a random whim, I decided to take a weekend trip to Philadelphia. With Megabus, the round trip cost was only about $30! On top of that, most of the sightseeing in Philadelphia can be done for free. It was a great refresher lesson about our country's history and its brilliant founders. It was also my chance to visit my friend, Thomas, my former section leader from the Michigan Marching Band and a 2L at Temple Law School.

It was also "Beer Week" in Philadelphia, so Thomas and I went to a couple of bars to participate in some of the events, which included meeting the owners of Grand Rapids-based Founders Brewery and try their beer specials. Factor in an awesome farmers' market and some cheesesteaks, and it all adds up to a tasty AND educational weekend!

Independence Hall

The inside of Independence Hall. Thomas Jefferson sat here!

More Independence Hall...This was a sort of courtroom.

The Senate's Chamber was much nicer than that of the representatives. Do you think our founders came to this building, and then walked to the bar and drank Founders Beer? Because that's what I did.

This was a nice surprise! There was a choral class visiting Independence Hall, and they sang for us! And my camerawork rocks!

House of Representatives.

The Liberty Bell. Too bad it's broken. Thomas was telling me about how the site for the Liberty Bell Museum was built on top of what used to be a cemetery for slaves. Pretty ironic, considering that it's supposed to be a symbol of, well, liberty and freedom. I guess we should just blithely ignore the hypocrisy. Tra la la.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

Okay, so Philly has a huge indoor market called the Reading Terminal Market. They have TONS of different types of food there from many different backgrounds. Here's the "Pennsylvania Dutch Chocolate".

Butter Almond Bliss. Google needs to figure out some sort of gadget to incorporate actual scents into Blogger.

Apparently, there is a big cheesesteak Rivalry between Geno's Steaks and Pat's Steaks. The buildings face each other in a busy intersection. Geno's has the extravagant bright lights, but I've heard Pat's has the better steaks, so I went with Pat's.

Philly Cheesesteaks, the reason Philadelphia is one of the most obese cities in the world.

And, of course, words simply cannot convey how awesome Thomas is. Thanks for taking me around town, Thomas! Here we are with our cheesesteaks. I admit that it was tasty, but I felt pretty disgusting for about 24 hours after eating it. I'm guessing Philly Cheesesteaks became popular well after 1800, because I don't think our founding fathers could have created a government while suffering from extreme indigestion.

The Kisho in Times Square

2009-03-01T15:08:00.001-08:00

Sorry, Kisho. Your hair is not quite long enough to block Times Square out of this photo.

Ashton, aka "The Kisho", took his turn visiting me in New York City this time. Much like when Nicky visited me, we basically spent a lot of each day eating food. However, unlike when Nicky visited me, we spent a lot of each day....well....making fun of Nicky. Interesting how that works.

The highlights included: Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, Jackson Hole Diner, Wicked on Broadway, The Nintendo Store, Chopped Liver and Matzo Ball Soup at Carnegie Deli, Sprinting through Times Square, Ground Zero, Chinatown for Chinese New Year, Spicy Food and Sushi in Koreatown, Rockefellar Plaza, Zabar's, and Restaurant Week Lunch at Alfama Portuguese Restaurant. Oh, I also made Ashton come to work with me and remove staples from some of our files. Child labor laws don't apply to New York City.

We found a lot of cheap junk in Chinatown, which happened to go surprisingly well with the rest of The Kisho's wardrobe.

I thought this sign was really amusing. Apparently, the act of merely looking at the Chinatown clothes causes them to actually increase in value. Don't unfold the clothes, or else the Communists will get you!

Ashton, way under-dressed, at 30 Rock.

Ashton and all of the crazy people willing to pay $45 each to go ice skating in Rockefeller Plaza.

Taking Columbus Circle by force! Look at how fierce that stance is.

NintendoWorld!!! I was way more excited to meet Mario than Ashton was. This was before he took us into the back room and offered us some of his 'shrooms. Then I hijacked his Yoshi while Ashton strangled that Pikachu with the WiiMote nunchucks.

Ashton walking to see Wicked on Broadway by himself because we could only afford one ticket, and me creepily following and taking pictures of him.

We took this picture in honor of The Prapo. Any trip is a success if you can slaughter both a lamb and a Pikachu in one day.

We scarfed down a delicious meal at Jackson Hole in the Upper West Side and then sprinted to Gershwin Theatre. There were at least 100 burgers on the menu. Ashton had a massive cheeseburger and some O-rings.

And my delicious mushroom-chicken burger. Mmmmm delicious fungus.

Alfama - Portuguese cuisine in the West Village

This mosaic actually did look a lot like Portugal.

Appetizers! The bread and olives were particular delish.

Ashton's first course were ginger-shrimp meatballs and a ginger sauce. Yeah, we thought it sounded Asian, too. Whatevs.

Caldo Verde soup. Made with kale, linguica, and potatoes. This was more traditionally Portuguese, but Grandma's and Aunt Angelina's are both better.

Ashton's main course was a beef steak with egg and some fries. Yeah, we thought it sounded like typical French steak frites, too. Whatevs.

My main course was cubed pork with peppers, onions, and mussels. Sort of like an extravagant version of dog food.

Ashton's dessert was creme caramel with a graham cracker topping. Once again, very un-Portuguese. Whatevs.

My dessert was bizzarrely awesome. It was an almond/walnut cake with a coconut topping. It almost made up for the awkward waiter we had. And the overpriced food. And the fact that we managed to discover the only authentic Portuguese restaurant that serves absolutely no Portuguese food. Huzzah!

The Prappening

2009-03-01T15:07:00.001-08:00

Ahh! The Tofu-Pesto Spelt Crust Pizza at Cafe Viva Natural Pizza had no chance against the famished Prapo.

Nicky, aka "The Prap", came to visit me in New York City. The long weekend, or "The Prappening," as I like to call it, featured the typically absurd occurrences, perilous obstacles, and (satanic?) foodstuffs of the Prapo variety. The astonishing part was that, as carnivorous as I am, I found vegan New York to be quite wonderful. Yes, it Prappened to me, and be careful, because it could Prappen to you, too!

The weekend's highlights included:

Grand Central Terminal, Bryant Park, dinner in Chinatown, movie at Astoria-Kaufmann Studios, lunch in Koreatown, shopping/stealing M&Ms at Macy's Herald Square, walk up Fifth Avenue, Rockefellar Center, the TODAY Show set, the Rockefellar Christmas Tree, Nintendo World Store, The New York Dog Shop, watching USC win the Rose Bowl, Times Square, Avenue Q on Broadway, The United Nations, Hot Apple Cider at the Union Square Greenmarket, The Strand Bookstore, Economy Candy Store, The American Museum of Natural History, Lunch at Cafe Blossom, The Staten Island Ferry, The Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn Bridge, Ground Zero/WTC, Battery Park, Lunch at Pommes Frites, Dinner at Kate's Joint, and comedy and drinks at Comedy Cellar in Washington Square.

The Prapo goes to the United Nations! My favorite part was when he got all frazzled while going through the security checkpoint. He frantically took off article upon article of clothing, tossed his gum into the bucket, removed all the receipts and papers from his pockets, and fortunately, prior to actually slitting his wrists and draining his blood into the container, I managed to get through to him the fact that none of those items were likely to trigger the metal detector. Sheesh, Prap, why do you always have to come across as a terrorist?

Token photo of me with the U.N. logo. Look how important I am!

A Prapo in Times Square! While I was waiting in line for tickets for Avenue Q, I sent The Prap to try to win some tickets to In The Heights. He was reluctant to go off on his own, but managed to survive the 50 foot journey! The Prap is progressing!

The Prapo in front of the financial district. Don't be surprised if his mere proximity to Wall Street was the direct cause of the recession.

The Prapo crosses the Brooklyn Bridge.

Sailing to the Statue of Liberty. If this were 1900, I suspect that this is as close as The Prap would get before the Americans started throwing stones at him.

Yes, THE New York Dog Shop, and the best doggie treats that $247.00 can buy!

Look at that ferocious beast! Oh, and theres a wolf behind him, too.

And, of course, the veggie food. This is my tomato, onion, mushroom, and broccoli pizza on whole wheat crust at Cafe Viva.

Tofu-Pesto Spelt Crust!

This is vegetarian chicken-fried steak from Kate's Joint in Alphabet City. It's made with seitan (satan?), which is a wheat gluten meat substitute.

Belgian fries at Pommes Frites in the East Village. They let us try several dipping sauces before we picked the one we wanted. It was down to curry/peanut and pomegranate/teriyaki, but the latter won out.

My portobello mushroom, tomato, pesto, and alfalfa sandwich from Cafe Blossom. Everything about this was surprisingly delicious.

Nicky got the grilled setian (SATAN!) sandwich with fries at Cafe Blossom. Nobody does vegetarian like NYC.

The Bonfire of the Insanities: Part Two

2009-03-01T14:55:00.000-08:00

(to follow The Bonfire of the Insanities: Part One)

*To read this entry, you need super secret exclusive "insider" permission. Email me (paul.t.moura@gmail.com) if you want to read it.

The Guac of Shame

2008-12-28T15:31:00.004-08:00

In my limited time as a resident of Jackson Heights, I have come to the conclusion that the town features a completely self-sustaining and cyclical economy. Every aspect of Jackson Heights is perfectly placed to keep the system perpetuating, and the locals have become slaves to this system. Allow me to elaborate:

Believe it or not, this city's economy runs on taco stands. Yes, taco stands. Everybody either works at or owns a taco stand, and, moreover, everybody eats these tacos 24 hours per day. This isn't an exaggeration. When I walk to the gym at 5:00am, these stands are still running, and people are gorging their tacos and tortas in all their greasy goodness. You'd think they'd get sick of it after a while, but no. The stands give off too luscious of a scent to withstand. The patrons don't even take their orders home with them. They stand and eat it right on the counter of the taco stand itself.

It seems unrealistic to think that an entire city - a city that seems to be growing every day - can run merely on these Mexican food stands. Well, I used to think it wasn't possible, until I saw two more stands start business outside my subway stop, bringing the current total to three taco stands within the same fifteen feet. And they're ALL busy. Always!

Torta of DOOM!!!

With this empire of taco stands in place, the people of Jackson Heights need not ever leave their beloved picante-seasoned city. It's actually quite difficult to escape. On every street that leads away from Jackson Heights, there are stands strategically positioned to draw the attention of hungry locals. Once that rich aroma of pork and beans fills their nostrils, all hope is lost. Before they can escape the city, they give in to their desires and stuff their mouths with the savory tortas (in pork, chicken, and beef varieties). Immediately after the last bite, their bowels command them to walk home to their bathrooms and take care of business. And the vicious cycle perpetuates.

You must be thinking, "Now, Paul, it can't be impossible for these people to leave Jackson Heights." Alas, I wish you were right. It all comes down to one thing: "The Guac of Shame."

You may have heard of the term "The Walk of Shame." The Urban Dictionary defines it as:

"When you walk home shamefully, wearing the same clothes as the day before, usually after a booty call."

"The Guac of Shame" places a slightly different spin on this concept, though it still involves shameful self-indulgence. I have witnessed this event several times. Here's how it works:

Outside every subway stop in Jackson Heights, there are many taco stands, each of which is known for smothering their dishes with succulent, mouth-watering, and most importantly, delicious-smelling guacamole. In their attempts to use the subway to escape the confines of Jackson Heights, locals must cross this line of aromatic defense in order to get into the station. During my daily commute on the subway, some actually manage to break through the barricade, and even make it upstairs to the subway platform.

Now, here's the kicker. The 7-train is one of the few subway lines in New York that runs above ground. Clearly, this is intentional, as it allows the savory aroma from the taco stands to waft up through the bottom of the subway platform and infiltrate the nostrils of the fleeing residents. Once they inhale, the craving begins. You can see the hunger in their eyes. If they attempt to resist it, their legs become weak, and they start to perspire and look around nervously, their faces red with anxiety. Typically, they'll succumb, and walk down the stairs to feast. But every once in a while, a lucky passenger makes it to the platform just as the train arrives and sprints in quickly to make their escape. The doors close behind them, and the train drives away from the stop.

They think they've succeeded, but sadly, their liberation is short-lived. Once the subway reaches the next stop in Jackson Heights, the doors open and the entire car fills with that luscious, rich smell of avocado, cilantro, and tomato, complimented perfectly by the scent of greasy meat cooking on the grill. It's impossible to resist. During the ten seconds when the doors are open, the escapees endure an arduous experience. Their stomachs crave the satisfaction. Their taste buds lust for the heavenly flavor. Their hands yearn to hold that warm tortilla in their cold and empty palms.

It's no use. It takes about five seconds, and then they're out the door and headed down to the street level. They place their order, hand over two dollars, and proceed to chew on their guacamole-drenched bliss, each gulp filling their body with a warm sense of satisfaction. With the last bite, the bowel's command is not unexpected. They have accepted their purgatorial fate. They step back from the counter, lower their heads, and begin their shameful walk back home to their toilets, beneath the ominous shadow of the 7-train.

Jackson Heights....you can buy tacos at any time, but you can never leave....

The Bonfire of the Insanities: Part One

2008-12-28T15:31:00.003-08:00

"Nope, there's no denying it. Believe me, I gave them a chance. I gave them the benefit of the doubt for as long as I could. But, alas, the evidence is incontrovertible."

*To read the rest of this entry, you need super secret exclusive "insider" permission. Email me (paul.t.moura@gmail.com) if you want to read it.

The Eviction

2008-12-28T15:31:00.001-08:00

I considered myself fortunate to find a decent living situation upon moving to New York, particularly because I was on my own and was unfamiliar with the city. Still, it didn't take long for a few problems to surface. One evening after work, I was welcomed home by a pleasant "NOTICE OF EVICTION" on my door....

*To read the rest of this entry, you need super secret exclusive "insider" permission. Email me (paul.t.moura@gmail.com) if you want to read it.

The Heights

2008-12-28T13:16:00.001-08:00

Let's get one thing straight: As far as the New York boroughs go, Queens will never be cool. Still, Jackson Heights isn't so bad. I'd say it has, well, character. For people outside of New York, Jackson Heights is probably best known as being the home town of Betty Suarez in "Ugly Betty". The television show gives a pretty good representation of the city. The people of Jackson Heights, in fact, look a lot like this:

Moreover, I've noticed some pretty wretched eating habits here, and this city itself is filthy. Regardless, it is what it is. In some ways, the town feels like a third-world country. The food at the grocery stores seems pretty questionable ($1.99/lb turkey breast?), nothing is ever labeled with a price tag, and they always make me hand over my bag when I enter in order to prevent shoplifting. Everything is sort of haphazardly organized. It took me forever to figure out where they keep the peanuts. I guess I should have assumed that they'd be in the dairy section, right?

Another thing: I find it odd that there are at least four hair salons on every block. What's even stranger is that they all seem to be packed and bustling with activity day and night. Those inside are often about my age, pregnant, and also have two children running in circles around them. Is it possible that these people are not concerned with showering, but are more than happy to get their hair done every day? Well, I think the salons are more of a social scene, too, and the women of Jackson Heights go there to gossip and exchange techniques for frying plantains.

For me, the most ghetto thing I have to deal with in Jackson Heights is my gym. When I was looking for an apartment, I wanted to live somewhere within walking distance from a place where I could exercise. What I found was "Gymnasio": The best gym slash planned parenthood center slash brothel in Queens. ¡Que bueno!

When I first walked into the gym, there was a woman sitting at the front desk. She was probably about forty years old, fairly obese, wore stained gray sweats, had severe acne, and went a little overboard with her makeup. We had a nice conversation about what to do for fun in Jackson Heights. I asked her if she went into the city much...

"No, way," she responded. "The subways are so dirty. I would never set foot on the subways in this city. I have everything I need here," said the filthy woman as she reached for another dorito.

I told her that I was interested in a gym, and asked if I could look around. She said, "No.", and that I could only enter after paying for a membership. I asked her if there were any trial memberships just to see if I liked the gym, and she said "Nope." Hmmmm. It sounded quite sketchy, but at less than $20/month, I figured I could take the risk.

Well, as far as gyms go, it's pretty bad. Half of the machines have said "out of order" since I've been here, most of the treadmills are broken, there aren't enough weights or benches, all of the cables are frayed, most of the patrons bring food and consume more calories at the gym than they burn, and nothing is ever cleaned. I frequently see condom wrappers in the stairwell by the entrance, too. Not sure what that's about.

I suppose I have made a friend there, though. One day, a woman was using the abdominal machine next to me. She was short, middle-aged, and overweight, but seemed pretty determined to get in better shape. Anyway, she got into the machine and started to do some crunches, when suddenly her weight caused the seat to unlock, and she plummeted and crashed to the ground, and then rolled for a few feet onto the floor. It looked painful, and I rushed to help her up. She said she was okay, though I imagine she had to be mortified.

A few minutes later, I was messing around with some five-foot long poles that they have lying around the floor for some reason, and I started spinning them like I used to with my marching band mace. The woman saw this, walked up to me, and asked me if I could teach her how to do it, too. I realized just then exactly how shameless she was, both because she wasn't embarassed after breaking the machine with her weight, and because she was blithely talking to me despite the disgusting dripping sweat stains over her crotch area.

Sure, Jackson Heights probably sounds ghetto, but there's a lot to love here. I really enjoy how ethnic it is. The Latin and South Asian presense provides for some excellent food. Also, my subway stop rocks because six lines run through it, and I can get almost anywhere in NYC with relative ease. Honestly, it truly is refreshing to come back here after spending all day in the chaotic and expensive city. It feels more "real" compared to commercialized Manhattan, and the people are much nicer. For a year, it's not a bad place to call "home."

The Jump

2008-12-25T12:43:00.000-08:00

I walked down the bus stairs and onto the crowded sidewalk. To my right, I could see the Chrysler Building rising just above the concrete urban jungle. To my left was the Lincoln Building, where I would report early Monday morning. Straight ahead was Grand Central Terminal, with its gothic architecture serving as an island of aesthetic beauty amidst a sea of corporations and caffinnated commuters. Behind me, was my entire life. No, no, I don't mean metaphorically. That would be so cliché. I mean literally...I managed to fill my whole life into two small suitcases, and now I was here in Manhattan, homeless and alone.

So, what happened? I was ready to start law school at Notre Dame, but at the last minute, I decided that it just didn't feel like the right choice in my life right now. After exploring several alternatives, I was offered a job working at a law office in New York City. A one-way flight from Detroit to LaGuardia, and a shuttle ride from the airport to Midtown, led me right to this spot.

Perhaps fortunately for me, I have had a lot of recent experience being homeless and living out of a suitcase. I recently spent a month in Europe, where I kept my entire life in a backpack and moved from hostel to hostel. My introduction to New York City was just an extension of this nomadic lifestyle. No, I had never really been to New York before, but I wasn't worried. All I needed was a subway map and my laptop and I was ready to seize the day.

First thing's first: Finding a place to live. Through the magic of CraigsList, I spent the past few days emailing people who had rooms available. I had a list of six addresses and phone numbers. I walked into Grand Central Station, purchased my monthly subway pass, and commenced.

The first place was in Woodside, Queens. There was an unfurnished room available in a house with three guys in their twenties. The guys were all chefs in Manhattan, and all very nice. The place was a pigsty, though, and it was obvious that they were all pretty unhealthy. Still, the location was not bad, the rent was cheap, and the room was nice. But then they told me that the room wasn't available for another month. Gee, guys, thanks for letting me know. I crossed that one off my list.

Next stop: East 28th Street in Manhattan. I had high hopes for this one. On the map, this looked like a great location. The rent listed was also reasonable. The owner was a middle-aged guy named "Sal", and he met me on the steps of his apartment. Now, apartment may be an overstatement here. This was a glorified closet. The kitchen was just a sink and microfridge. The bathroom was just a shower with a curtain, and the toilet was sort of in both the bathroom and the kitchen. Also, the "available room" was not really a bedroom. In the small entryway between Sal's bedroom and the kitchen, there was a curtain set up with a bed behind it. Nice. Apparently, Sal was able to take pictures for CraigsList from angles that made it look like an actual place a human being could inhabit. Alas, it wasn't. Cross that one off.

The next place was on East 32nd Street in Manhattan. This was a little more expensive, but sounded nice, so I figured it was worth checking out. It was owned by an older couple, and the man had a clear accent over the phone. I called him to schedule a time and place to meet. When I walked to the meeting place, there was no one there. I tried calling his number, and there was no answer. Not even a voicemail. Awesome. Cross that one off, too.

My next try was a room that was available on Roosevelt Island. This is a small island in between Manhattan and Queens. It seemed a little isolated, but it does have a subway stop, so I thought I'd give it a try. The CraigsList had said "must not have an aversion to Chinese food." Sweet! I love Chinese food. The owner seemed nice in his emails, and he told me to call him when I got to the island. Upon my arrival, I dialed his number. Unfortunately, this guy's accent was so bad that I could not understand a single word he was saying. He tried to give me instructions in his broken English, but it was useless. At that point, I knew this one was a dead end. I told the guy that I would try to call back or email him later, and I got back on the subway. Yup, cross that one off, too. (Note: I emailed him that night to tell him I wasn't interested, and he angrily responded saying that I wasn't "man enough" to check the place out. Sheesh...even the best Chinese food isn't worth this much trouble.)

At this point, I was getting a little worried. My best bet was the first place in Woodside, but I would have to couchsurf across the city for a month before I could move in. My next try was a place in East Harlem. It was conveniently located on the 6 line, which goes right to Grand Central Station. It seemed promising. The room was being used by a 20-year old from South Africa. He was really nice in his emails, and desperately wanted to find someone to find his room because he already had a new place lined up for himself. This apartment was in the slums of Harlem, and, like Sal's place, was way too small to be inhabited by human beings. Nevertheless, the were four people living there. Two didn't speak English, and one was a Russian bodybuilder woman named Olga. The young man showed me his "room". It was astonishing. There was a mini twin bed inside, which took up 90% of the room. The other 10% consisted of a small schooldesk...like, the kind you use in elementary school where the chair and desk are attached. It was a disaster. This poor guy was a fool to think he could find someone to live in these conditions.

"As you can see, it's fully furnished with a bed and a desk," he said to me. I suppose that appeared to be true.

"Actually, I think I'm going to take the desk with me to my new place when I move out," he added surreptitiously.

"Of course," I thought. I mean, who would ever want to part with a magnificent piece of furniture like that. Sigh...this place was a disaster. I told him I'd give him a call and let him know what I decide.

East Harlem

I had one place left. This was bad. None of the options seemed reasonable so far. Perhaps my price range was too low and I needed to look at more expensive rooms. Well, anyway, the last place on my list was in Jackson Heights, Queens. It was two stops beyond Woodside on the 7 line. The apartment was on the top floor of a law and realtor's office. The overtenant's name was Jackson (Jackson in Jackson Heights...weird). He and a guy named Dave, both in their mid-twenties, were living there. Both of them were from Michigan, in fact. The available room was furnished with a bed, had a decent amount of space, and had a closet. The bathroom and kitchen were both small, but manageable. And the living area had a nasty-looking couch and a TV.

Overall, I thought it was fine, but I wondered if my standards had dropped throughout the day. I walked around the block to check out the neighborhood. Most of the signs were in Spanish, and the restaurants and people were all Latin or southeast Asian. Around the corner were two supermarkets, and the groceries were far cheaper than what I saw in Manhattan. Down the street was a public library, a post office, and a small school. The subway stop was a block away, making the commute to Manhattan just under 30 minutes. This could work.

Under the 7 train in Jackson Heights.

So, there you have it. In one LONG Saturday, I went from being homeless, to becoming a resident of Jackson Heights, Queens, New York, with a solid job at a Manhattan Law Office.

And so began my year as a California boy and Michigan grad living and working in The Big Apple.

The EuroTrip: Part Deux

2008-12-25T06:29:00.000-08:00

Because I anticipated law school being three years of, well, hell...I decided that I should take a nice trip with my friends. After a lot of ridiculous planning (check out the itinerary), I ended up spending three amazing and life-changing weeks backpacking across Central Europe with Tom, Kevin, and Brian. Here was our schedule:

22nd-23rd: Stuttgart, Germany
24-25: Amsterdam, Netherlands
26-28: Berlin, Germany
29-31: Prague, Czech Republic
1-2: Vienna, Austria
3-4: Mayrhofen, Austria
5-6: Milan, Italy
7-8: Geneva, Switzerland
8-9: Interlaken, Switzerland
10: Gimmelwald, Switzerland
11-13: Munich, Germany

Now, each place was fascinating enough to fill up an entire blog entry, but I simply cannot put all of it into words right now. For now, I will just post some photos below with descriptions, and gradually update this post over the next week or so.

STUTTGART, GERMANY

Stuttgart is a beautiful city in the southern/central area of Germany. They had awesome bakeries, a really cool park (The Schlossgarten), and an awesome Mercedes-Benz museum. We stayed with Tom at the University of Stuttgart. The highlight was definitely our soccer game with the Germans, followed by dinner and drinks at the biergarten in the Schlossgarten. This marked the beginning of my newfound love for European beer.

Palace and plaza in Stuttgart city centre.

They had some sort of event/exhibit in honor of the World Cup, with bears representing each country in the world. This is me and the Portugal bear.

Brian and the American bear.

We played an awesome soccer/football game of Americans versus Germans. As expected, we were thoroughly demolished. They outscored us by about 15 goals. Still, in the end, we decided to play "Next Goal Wins," and I scored the winning goal! In all, I had 2 goals, 2 assists, 0 goals allowed, and about a million turnovers.

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS

Everyone knows about Amsterdam. It's a city of immorality, drugs, sex, and Indonesian food. Our hostel was in the Red Light District, which certainly made things interesting. In the windows, you could see women in bikinis, and there were pornography stores in every direction. I didn't care much for the inner-city. It felt like an amusement park to me. Instead, we took some time to travel outside of the city centre and get a more "Dutch" experience.

Drinking gourmet coffee in Amsterdam. From a machine. In the train station.

Wandering the streets of Amsterdam in search of our hostel.

The Sex Museum. It was lame.

This is crazy. You put money in the slot just like any vending machine, and out comes burgers and fries and other greasy nonsense. How does the South not have this?

See, this is what you SHOULD do in Amsterdam. Tom and I rented bikes for a day, found a map, and went searching for windmills in the outskirts of the city. It was fun, except the basket on the front of my bike was about 246 lbs.

Windmills in the suburbs of Amsterdam.

Playing with the gizmos and gadgetry at the NEMO Museum. Look! I'm in a bubble!

This was embarrassing. Facing head-on, I thought this glass hemisphere was concave and not convex, and then I proceeded to bash my face right into the glass. Tom managed to take a photo of it while laughing hysterically.

One final photo on our way out of the city. In all, Amsterdam was a little too sordid for my tastes.

BERLIN, GERMANY

Never would I have guessed how much I'd love Berlin. I think the city gets a bad rap because of the whole Holocaust and Iron Curtain thing. Still, the history is fascinating, and it's so valuable to be able to actually observe the reunification process succeeding in the city. The East and West sides clearly have different atmospheres, with the West being more modern and commercial. Still, the East is progressing right along. In fact, I think I enjoyed East Berlin more than the West side. Overall, things in the city were cheap, the locals were nice, the S-Bahn (subway) was efficient, the food was good, the beer was amazing, and the sightseeing was incredible. Prost!

Brandenburg Tor, a gateway dividing East and West Berlin. Our !FREE! city tour started here.

The Berliner Dome!

Here are some pieces of the Berlin Wall outside of Potsdamer Platz. The Platz is a nice and modern shopping area in West Berlin. You can find these pieces of the wall scattered across the city.

Top of the Reichstag. The Reichstag is the main seat of government. The view from the top is surreal. I'm smiling because I just finished drinking a delicious Milchkaffee.

The Holocaust Memorial. It's design was very ambiguous, and apparently meant to be that way. Germans are very regretful about the atrocities committed during World War II and the Holocaust. I was amazed with how well they have come to terms with their mistakes and misdeeds.

Me looking fierce until the tower in the center of Berlin's main park. Tom and I walked to the foot of the tower and did what we do best: Took a nap.

Checkpoint Charlie: Gateway to the American Sector during post-war occupation. It's now a haphazardly-put-together museum, but the history is quite interesting.

Another delicious beer. I know they have Paulaner in the U.S., but it tastes WAY better in Germany.

In Germany you can carry open containers of alcohol out in public. It was common to see people walking on the streets or heading to work with a beer in their hands, as if it were a bottle of water. Here, Tom and I bought some Becks and drank it on the side of a riverbank overlooking the new ultramodern Berlin Hoptbanhof. It was our version of pregaming before the bar crawl.

Our tour group organized a bar crawl one evening. We met a really nice couple from Norway, and their English was flawless. We got VIP passes at several bars, and Tom somehow managed to go up to the bar and get us beers without paying. Twice. Berlin is awesome.

Best part of the evening: Doners! It's a pita/bread type substance, covered in meat, cabbage, lettuce, and smothered in three delicious sauces. I think the meat is from a mixture of beef, lamb, chicken, squirrel, and camel. Or was it llama? Anyway, they were dirt cheap in Berlin. This one was 2.50, but we found some for 2.00, as well. We came to the conclusion that, strangely, the cheaper they were, the better they tasted.

Prague, Czech Republic (and more) coming soon....

The Homelessness

2008-12-25T06:22:00.000-08:00

After finally receiving my Bachelor's degree, it didn't take long before I found myself on the streets. Maybe this email plea that I sent out to all of my friends can clarify things:

Date: Apr 26, 2008
Subj: I'm Homeless! (with a bachelor's degree)

Hey, Everyone,

So, my lease is up tomorrow night and I'm getting kicked out of my apartment. Unfortunately, I cannot move into my sublet until May 1st. If anybody has an extra bedroom, or even a couch that I could live on from Sunday night through Wednesday night, and could help me out, please let me know. Everything from my apartment has been stored elsewhere, so I don't really have much stuff...just a couple small bags and my hamster.

Unlike some homeless people, I do have a bachelor's degree, and I'm clean, and I shower regularly, so you don't have to worry about that. My hamster on the other hand....well....at least he lives in a cage, which is more shelter than I have available at the moment. Anyway, please let me know if you can help me out. I really appreciate it!

Thanks!!!

-Paul

Luckily for me, I had several offers. Still, I knew that 'Kitty', my hamster, would be more of a hassle than my friends realized, so I decided that it would be best if I stayed at a different place each night.

For my first night, I stayed on my friend Travis' couch. He was already amused with my apparent homelessness, but he thought it very bizarre that I was walking the streets of Ann Arbor with a hamster cage in hand.

"What are you going to do with him while you're at work?", he asked.

Good question. Hmmmm. "I think I'm just going to leave him in the KKY/TBS office."

My fraternity had an office in the Michigan Union. Though, carrying a live animal through such a public place would likely be frowned upon. I ended up smuggling kitty's cage in underneath a sheet. Believe me, it was not discreet at all.

For Night Two, I stayed in Scott's condo. Kitty seemed much happier there at first, but Jek, Scott's dog, was absolutely out of control. He yapped constantly at the fuzzy critter that was only slightly smaller than himself. Before long, Kitty was panicked, and huddled in the corner of his cage in fear of a runt of a dog that no human being would ever find intimidating.

After another day of smuggling Kitty into the Union, I was offered an actual bed at my friend Jocelyn's house. Her roommate was out of town, so a whole room was available. At this point, it was obvious that Kitty was absolutely miserable. He had probably outgrown the cage, and wanted more than anything to get out, constantly trying to chew through the bars. I suppose this is partly my fault since I tended to overfeed him. Between me and Brian, we probably fed him twice as much hamster food as was recommended, and we both occassionally gave him little treats, like Wheat Thins or Cereal. Or Pasta. Or Steak. Or...Human Blood.

Anyway, I noticed that he really didn't fit in his cage anymore, and struggled to manuver through his little hamster tubes. "Just hang in there, Kitty," I told him. In one more day, I'd be in my new apartment, and I could finally let Kitty out for a bit.

During my last day of Kitty-smuggling, I was no longer making any attempts to be stealth. I walked right through the Union with my hamster cage out for the world to see, received the subsequent looks of shock, and held my head high. Not because I was proud, but because Kitty was really starting to smell bad.

"Just a couple more hours, Kitty." I placed his cage down on the desk in the KKY/TBS office, and grabbed my things to head to work. I think he may have understood me a little, because he seemed to be much less miserable all of a sudden, and started to run around the cage for a bit, weaving his fat hamster butt through the tubes.

After I finished work, I returned to the Union to pick up Kitty and take him to my new apartment. When I opened the door, a horrible, wretched sight lay before my eyes. Kitty was inside one of the tubes, his eyes and mouth wide open. He wasn't responding at all, and I quickly took apart the cage and pulled the tubes apart. I shook Kitty out of the tube and he plopped onto the floor of the cage like a rock. He was clearly dead, and moreover, he was soaking wet and reeked of urine.

It's difficult to put my frustration into words. Yes, I was upset that my beloved hamster died, but I think I was even more upset that I had worked so hard over the past few days taking care of him, only to have him die just before I moved into my new apartment. Apparently, all of my work was for nothing.

Could looking at the situation this way be considered cruel? Nah, I don't think so. Could disposing of him in the dumpster be considered cruel? I don't know. Could overfeeding your hamster, smuggling him around town, stuffing him in a cage too small for him, and causing him to get trapped in the hamster tubes and drown in his own piss be considered cruel? Well...umm...I....I think this blog entry needs to end now.

The Graduate

2008-12-25T06:14:00.000-08:00

I done graduated.

What can I say about my four years as a student at The University of Michgan? I am proud to admit that many of the best and most important moments of my life have occurred during my time here. Looking back, so much has happened: Joining the Michigan Marching Band; becoming a fraternity brother; going to the Rose Bowl; witnessing my freshman roommate plummet from high school graduate to insane and drunken drug-abuser; learning to ski; performing in the University Band; the summer of hell at Universal Studios; marching my first pregame; December in San Antonio; volunteering in Mississippi; the summer of sexual harassment in Pasadena; becoming a rank leader; being elected president of my fraternity and gradually coming to terms with the fact that I don't always know what's best; another Rose Bowl; working for Malinda Matney at the Division of Student Affiars; writing my thesis on the ethics of BodyWorlds; winning the Governors' Cup; stepping down as president of my fraternity; studying abroad in France; joining the Central Student Judiciary; my senior year of band; experiencing the glory of "Paul Prog"; the Capitol One Bowl in Orlando; taking French and Portuguese; following my freshman year roommate disaster with three amazing roommates (Kevin, Manny, and Brian); performing in the MMB Saxophone Ensemble; getting a hamster; improving my skills as a student; making lifelong friends; and so many other things...

And now, I suppose I can add graduating to this list. The 2008 Commencement Ceremony at The University of Michigan was a bit unusual. Due to construction in Michigan Stadium, the University announced that graduation would be moved to Eastern Michigan University's stadium. As expected, the students were livid about this. In response to their anger, the administration hosted several student forums to try to find a solution to this issue.

As a student researcher in the Division of Student Affairs, I needed to attend these forums to administer surveys to the angry seniors. I understood why people were upset about the relocation of the commencement activities, but I myself was somewhat apathetic at the time. When the students were asked to give their thoughts, one girl's remarks stood out:

(Crazy) Girl: "Back in November, during the Ohio State game, I remember standing in that student section until the bitter end, feeling cold and miserable, and watching my team lose to Ohio State during my last home game. I turned to my friends behind me and said to them, 'Well, at least the next time I'm in this stadium it will be for a happier occassion.' Because I knew graduation would be a wonderful experience. And now, you....YOU!, the Administration, YOU are taking that experience away from me, and I think that that is absolutely, and unforgivably unacceptable!"

Whew! Standing there, wide-eyed, my first reaction was that this girl was insane, but then I noticed the other students around her nodding in agreement. Like I said before, I understood why these students would feel so passionately about this, but weren't they going a little overboard? Weren't they being a little harsh or unreasonable?

Here are my thoughts on the whole issue: I value my Michigan experiences just as much as, (and probably more than), any typical Michigan student. And that's just it: the "Experiences", all of those that I described before, those are the moments that I cherish. I really didn't care how or in what venue I would actually graduate. What matters to me are my four years of being a college student, not my final few hours.

After a long and arduous process, it was decided that commencement would be held on the Diag. Vice President Royster Harper told me that this would raise the cost of graduation from $500,000 to just under $1.8 million. Heh...I hope the University didn't lose any potential donors during this whole episode.

And, by the way, commencement on the Diag was sublime. It was a beautiful day, the blossoms and flowers were in bloom, and the speakers were magnificent. Many students still grumbled and complained, but I was happy, honored, and proud to call myself a Michigan Alum.

Me and Mom.

Me and Dad.

Mana and Uncle Mike

Mom and Mana.

The Victors

2008-12-21T13:51:00.000-08:00

(to follow The Brothers)

And now we've come full circle. You can see that the final loss to Ohio State during my senior year at Michigan was certainly a heartbreaker. Perhaps my passion for Michigan Football and tradition had gone too far, but I don't regret that for a moment. And like I have said, the parallels between my senior years of college and high school have taught me to appreciate all that I have learned from my experiences, even if the end can't be so perfect.

Senior Altos with the "Senior Banner."

So, here we go. Now, after eight years of music, eight years of marching band, and eight years of heart-attack-inducing and drug-addition-triggering events, I had one final bowl game, and then I'd be done. We were slated to play in the Capital One Bowl in Orlando against the University of Florida. Here's the situation: Florida was the defending national champion, they were under the leadership of a Heisman-winning quarterback, and we'd have to play them in their home territory. We were huge underdogs, to put it mildly. This was slightly liberating, though. Since neither I nor any of my peers expected us to win, there was no tension. Our final bowl game would just be a relaxing few days of *FREE* vacation in Florida, a likely blowout loss in the bowl game, and then we'd head home.

Oh, yeah. I was a bus captain. Look how powerful I am.

As expected, the Capital One Bowl trip was more relaxing than trips in previous years. We were performing an easy modern Broadway show that didn't require much rehearsal. Most of our time was spent going to amusement parks or shopping. We spent New Year's Eve at Universal Studios Florida, where I managed to use my employee ID from my days at Universal Studios Hollywood to get 50% discounts for me and my friends. On top of that, I was REALLY impressed with the theme park. After working for a summer at Universal Studios Hollywood, I can vehemently and resolutely say that it is a HORRIBLE place. All of the visitors were always in a bad mood after waiting in endless lines for bad rides, only to wait in longer lines for disgusting food, and then hear me say to them, "Okay, chips and a soda will come out to.....$23.52." And then I would proceed to get verbally abused by them for hours on end, then I'd feel dumb and have to escape backstage to wallow in my own uselessness, and then I'd sense some slight comfort when the Dora the Explorer fuzzy character walked by, but then I'd freak out after she'd take off her mask and reveal a greasy looking guy from South Central with a black eye and a chip on his shoulder because "the man" wouldn't let him join the navy after he refused to confess to joyriding in a stolen vehicle.

Whoh, I got way off-track there. So, yeah. Universal Studios Florida. New Year's Eve. Better than expected. Huzzah!

Universal Studios Florida

When January 1st rolled around, the time had finally come to get spanked by Florida. To be honest, part of me still hoped for a win...just so Lloyd Carr could end his coaching career on a well-deserved high note, and also so the senior football players would earn a fulfulling win after four years of hard work and dedication. And just before I'd start to think that maybe...just maybe...we could actually win this thing, I'd remind myself that we were playing Florida, and then I'd pop some pills and cut my wrists a little bit and everything would go back to normal again.

From the beginning of the game, our offense looked a little different than usual. We were spreading the field more and throwing the ball more often. We scored a touchdown early, and, once again, my hopes lifted. Sure enough, Florida answered with two touchdown drives, and we were down 7-14. We managed to even it out with another touchdown, and then finished the first have with a remarkable drive to go up 21-14 with just eight seconds to go. We were BEATING Florida at halftime. Could it be too good to be true?

Me and Dustin at the game.

After some Wicked and Hairspray tunes, and some disco booty-shaking to "Dancing Queen", the second half was underway. A Mike Hart touchdown run stretched our lead to 28-14, and Florida subsequently tied it back up at 28-28 going into the fourth. In the final quarter, Florida's Percy Harvin scored to send Florida up 35-31. This was it. It had gone too far. My emotions had overcome any sense of reason, and I knew that my fellow seniors were in the same boat. We couldn't lose now...not with a win in reach. At this point, a loss would be like twisting the knife that Ohio State had so thoroughly plunged into our hearts.

Never fear, though, because Chad Henne and Adrian Arrington connected once more to solidify their career days with the final touchdown of the game. One late field goal completed the spectacular victory for the Maize and Blue. Final Score: Michigan 41 - Florida 35.

The feeling was sublime. It was unreal. Yet, it was so elegantly and perfectly appropriate. The coach and players deserved this win, and the world knew it. It was as if fate or karma was correcting itself; as if the lives of these individuals had perilously veered off track, but managed to steer back right before it was too late.

The Altos after the big win.

My fellow bandmembers and I stormed the field and joined the players in jubilation. If you asked me how I felt at this moment in time, I'm not sure I could give an adequate answer. Maybe there are no words than can really describe the emotion, or maybe there was no emotion to be felt. Happiness? Bliss? Perhaps at this point, we were simply beyond "feeling", and, here at the end, we had simply reached an "understanding;" an understanding that this was the way this particular story would end; this was the finale; this was the reconciliation between four evanescent years of dreaming and the final and absolute reality.

And as our eyes welled up and we began to truly appreciate this reality, I saw the players raise their beloved coach onto their shoulders. The rain was drizzling, as if serving as a gentle reminder of the obstacles overcome to get to this point. There they stood beneath the setting sun - the valiant leader and his victorious team. He hailed his players, and they hailed their mentor.

Far did our praises sing, as we bid farewell to an amazing coach - a true Michigan Man. We marched off of the field, fully sensing the finality of each step, because we knew this was it - we'd never come back to this. And, in recognition of the glory they bro't us on this final stage, among these friends and fans, we proudly hailed the victors one last time.

The Victors.

The Brothers

2008-12-21T13:49:00.000-08:00

(to follow The Bay St. Louis Blues)

When it comes to my music experience during my junior year in college, my performing actually took a backseat to my leadership work and my life as president of my fraternity chapter.

My fraternity, Kappa Kappa Psi, is a national fraternity that focuses primarily on service to college bands. When I joined the brotherhood, I thought it would be a cool way to synthesize my musicianship with my desire to do service. Still, I wasn't very enthusiastic at first. I thought it would be a good way to meet people, but I didn't see myself becoming too involved.

And so, of course, I soon found myself running for president. Some of my friends and former leaders in the fraternity urged me to do it, partially because they thought I would do a good job, and partially because there didn't seem to be anyone else willing to step up. Whatever the reason, I reluctantly ran for the job, and won.

Clearly, I went into this position with the wrong attitude. Not only was my heart not completely in it, but I think I felt like I could do no wrong since some of my friends had practically begged me to run. I didn't seem to recognize the fact that I could make any bad decisions. I thought my brothers should just be happy to have me as an officer.

It didn't take long for me to learn my lesson. Some of my fellow officers questioned my opinions on our projects. At first, I simply disregarded them. After they persisted, I began to resent them for rejecting my ideas of what was best. In reality, I was a little intimidated, and I was in denial of my own shortcomings. Sure, a lot of their concerns and arguments were petty, but after a while I realized that there was some truth in their opinions.

I kept this in mind, trying to humble myself and change my attitude. Instead, I focused on improving myself as a leader rather than assuming I was already good at my job. And sure enough, I saw that my former mentality was actually common throughout my chapter. For years, our Kappa Kappa Psi chapter at Michigan had been one of the stronger and leading chapters in the midwest, but we were also complacent, and never really tried to find ways to make ourselves better. Why hadn't we won the Governors' Cup in years? Why didn't we get more awards and recognition? Complacency. THAT was our problem.

For the rest of the year, I tried to inspire a new attitude within the chapter to combat this attitude. We all tried to spearhead new and innovative projects, like a Band Directors' convention, and a high school Mentorship Program.

When March rolled around, it was once again time for the Kappa Kappa Psi North Central District Convention. This was an annual event where brothers across the midwest could attend workshops and bid for awards and honors. Once again, we were bidding for the Governors' Cup. Typically, this would involve a presentation to the Governors' and District Officers describing how great we are. However, this year we took a different approach. We described our issues with complacency, and discussed what we were doing to purge the attitude from our chapter. Additionally, as president, I was required to attend several Governors' summits, during which I had to share my thoughts on the fraternity with chapter presidents and national officers, and I was constantly being judged on what I was saying. It was an intimidating and stimulating experience.

Good thing we don't have any height requirements.

The final night of the convention consisted of the Awards Banquet. I was nervous throughout dinner. The Governors' Cup wasn't important to me because of the name and the prestige. Rather, it was important because I wanted my fellow brothers to have something to be proud of - something that would legitimize their efforts to change the way they looked at the fraternity.

It was the last award announced. The anxiety was building until they finally made the annoucement. "The 2007 Governors' Cup goes to...The Nu Chapter of The University of Michigan."

I walked to the front of the hall to pick up the award, applause all around. When I returned to the table, I saw the faces of my brothers glowing with pride and excitement. At that moment, I felt honored to lead such an amazing group of hard-working students.

They each touched the award and took photos with it. I think they all had similar thoughts when they saw the Cup up close. I mean, it wasn't really the nicest trophy. It was just...a thing. We all knew that the trophy itself didn't matter as much as what it represented. Our fraternity had changed a lot over the past year. We began to realize what "brotherhood" actually signified. Now, we were constantly growing and striving, and we knew we could always rely on each other for care and support.

And I guess the Governors' Cup itself was pretty cool to look at. Though, we would never dream of possibly using it to serve drinks, of course. Tra la la la. ;-)

The Bros.

The Bay St. Louis Blues

2008-12-21T13:46:00.001-08:00

(to follow The Roses, Revisited)

I think I've made this point quite clear: My musical experiences have significantly enhanced and appreciated my personal growth throughout my life. I will forever value the opportunities that have been available to me as a result of this. And what better way to recognize the value of these skills than give others the chance to have the same sort of experiences?

During my sophomore year at Michigan, Hurricane Katrina terrorized the Gulf Coast. From miles away in Michigan, we could only hear stories and see pictures of the destruction, but we couldn't really fathom its enormity. We had heard that entire high schools had been washed away and were having difficulties rebuilding. My fraternity brothers and I spearheaded an instrument and music drive in the Detroit area to gather instruments for a high school music program that was destroyed and discontinued due to the hurricane.

By the time Spring Break rolled around, we had gathered $40,000 worth of instruments, and were preparing to caravan and deliver them to a needy high school in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi. While others were tanning in Cancun, we crammed 16 people into 4 cars, and began driving south. After my initial concerns, I was happy to see that Alabama and Mississippi weren't quite as backwards as I thought. I mean...they did actually have roads, and electricity, and even a couple of democrats over down thar.

When we got to Bay St. Louis, the destruction was mindblowing. Seven months after the Hurricane, it looked as if the area was devastated only recently. Clearly, reconstruction was a formidable task, and Bay St. Louis was not getting as much attention as the bigger cities like New Orleans. We delivered the instruments to St. Stanislaus High School, where the principal gave us a tour and vivid description of the extent of the damage. The band director was elated to see our donation, as he was laid off due to the fact that there was no band room in which to teach, and could now regain his position and better support his wife and newborn baby. To celebrate the donation, some of the students joined us in performing at the Bay St. Louis Mardi Gras Parade. I was part of the makeshift drumline as a cymbal player. Our performance quality fell somewhere in between "amateur" and "drunken USC Trojan band sound."

In addition to all of this, we did some volunteer work clearing debris, repairing electrical damage, and rebuilding a kitchen. My duties involved ripping rotten floorboards away and replacing them with better tiling. In all honesty, I was really REALLY bad at this. I felt like I was doing more permanent damage than Hurricane Katrina itself, yet the lead volunteers assured me that I was only slightly inept.

We also replaced an entire roof that was rotting away from the rain damage. Now, I could actually handle this task. In fact, I'd say that I did a pretty decent job even. Perhaps holding the powerful nail gun in my hands just amplified my confidence and efficiency. Maybe that's why these Southerners love their guns and NRA memberships. It gives them a false sense of confidence and strength that blinds them from their own incompetence. I mean...uhhh....yeah, guns rock! Hey, y'all, let's build us a dad-gamn roof and then head over to Applebee's for some beers and some ribs! And then we'll get drunk and go obliterate Auburn in the Iron Bowl! Go, BAMA! Go, DUBYA! Long live the Confederacy!

Ooops...focus focus focus. Anyway, in the end, it was a great and fulfilling trip. It really inspired us to value those opportunities that we often take for granted, like even having THE CHANCE to play an instrument in high school. Hopefully our work was successful in offering these Mississippi students a sense of normalcy since the hurricane.

Since we left, the donated instruments have been put to use, and the high school band program has been reinstated. So, if you ever find yourself in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi, stop by and listen to the St. Stanislaus band and let me know how they sound! But, if you see any rebuilt roofs that have recently collapsed....well....no.....you don't have to let me know about that.

The Roses, Revisited

2008-12-21T13:40:00.000-08:00

(to follow The EuroTrip)

Down 17 points with just seven minutes in the game, I started to think that it had all been too good to be true. There I was, six months removed from my life as a high school student in La Canada - only now the word "Spartan" invoked a virulent disdain in my mind. No, I didn't resent my high school roots. I merely shifted into my new life as a Michigan Wolverine, moving on from my red and gold band uniform to sport my new Maize and Blue digs. And on this cold night in October 2004, I was watching the Michigan State Spartans manhandle my beloved team 27-10.

Here's the situation: We were just a few wins away from a Big Ten Title. A conference championship would mean a return to the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. For me, it was my chance to return to my home - to the friends and family that supported me unconditionally throughout my life - and show them what I had accomplished since high school, that I wanted to represent my community in the best way possible since I moved away, and that I was proud of my roots. With each passing week of the season, this prospect seemed more and more likely, but these Green and White Spartans were just about to prevent that dream from ever coming to fruition.

With around six minutes to go, kicker Garrett Rivas nailed a 24-yarder, narrowing the margin to 27-13. Even so, the crowd behind me didn't seem optimistic. Moments later, we successfully recovered an onside kick, making things more interesting. Then it happened: two quick plays, and Braylon Edwards caught a beautiful 36-yard pass in the endzone just a couple of yards in front of where I was standing. On the next drive, another beautiful touchdown pass to Braylon Edwards caused me to jump so high that I came down hard and thouroughly destroyed my chair. 27-27 at the end of the fourth. Tie game.

Three overtimes, one field goal, and two spectacular touchdowns later, I found myself storming the field with my fellow Maize and Blue-clad bandmembers. Words cannot describe the joy I felt as I cheered and gazed at a beautiful sight on the Michigan Stadium scoreboard. Michigan 45 - MSU 37.

The next few weeks passed quickly. Everything was falling into place. After Wisconsin's fall from grace, Michigan had clinched a bid to the Rose Bowl. My little brother, the Prap, would be marching in the Rose Parade with the Tournament of Roses Honor Band. It even looked like my older brother would be joining the party, as Cal Football seemed to be Rose Bowl bound, as well. On top of all of this, the theme of the Rose Parade was "Celebrate Family." Was it fate? Whatever it was, something glorious seemed to be happening.

Now, one thing stood in my way: "Final Look." This was the last challenge of the year in the Michigan Marching Band. We would be trying out for a spot in the Rose Bowl, and seeing as how my section was one of the most competative in the band, my chances were not good. Still, I wanted so badly to go home and perform for my friends and family that I prepared relentlessly for the challenge. I spent the weekend videotaping my technique, and even went to the practice field late at night to improve my fundamentals. In my mind, NOT making this game was simply not an option.

The night of Final Look finally arrived. I was confident, and I knew I had prepared as best as I possibly could. When it was my turn, I took a deep breath, waited for the whistle command, and stepped off. Like every challenge, the experience is so nerveracking that, once it's over, you can't remember ANY of it. All I felt was my confidence being replaced with anxiety. In a few hours, the results would be posted online. All I could do was wait.

For some wildly idiotic reason, all of the altos decided to get together and wait until the list was posted. I thought this was strange, since it was bound to be awkward. Half of the people in the room would receive happy news, while the others would be devastated. Anyway, my prediction turned out to be true. The list came out, some were upset, and some were ecstatic. And fortunately for me, I was among the latter.

Yes, I would be returning home to perform for my community. In fact, I was one of the only freshman woodwinds to even be selected to go. The pride I felt seemed to be everlasting. For the next month, every time I reminded myself that I was going to the Rose Bowl - that I would be marching in the greatest parade in the world for the third consecutive year - I could not help but smile...Which probably explains the awkward looks I received from others walking by me on the streets. Whatever.

The Rose Bowl trip itself was sublime. We actually practiced on my high school field, the very field on which I had graduated just months before, and the very field where I spent countless hours practicing with the La Canada High School Band. With my high school peers in attendance, I couldn't help but feel like I had come full circle. What were the odds that I would be there again? What were the odds that I would be marching the Rose Parade one more time? Only this time with hundreds of new friends, and a new fight song.

Each day of the trip was euphoric. We performed at Universal Studios, where I had led a parade just a year before. We played at the Rose Bowl's kickoff luncheon, where I waved at my friend Kara as she stood among the other Rose Princesses. We blasted The Victors down Colorado Boulevard, where I had marched for upwards of 20 miles over three New Year's Days. And we cheered our team in the Rose Bowl - the granddaddy of all bowl games - in one of the greatest and most exciting games of my life.

This entire experience is a testament to the value and importance of my musical education. It's amazing what opportunities can arise just from learning how to play the saxophone. For others, the "Freshman Experience" consisted of getting drunk, gaining weight, and growing a filthy beard. Mine was different. I used my musical background to become part of something great, which undeniably enhanced my college career.

Forget the fact that we lost to Texas on a last-second field goal. There are greater emotions than those that result from a win. I was proud of how far I had come over the past six months...even if I was standing in some of the same places I had been before. Spartan or Wolverine. "Red and Gold" or "Maize and Blue". La Canada, California or Ann Arbor, Michigan. Regardless of the label or mascot or colors, it's fulfilling to be part of a community of people who will cheer you on and support you no matter what.

Well, as long as that community isn't Texas. Their fans actually pelted us with sirloin steaks after the game. Good fans shouldn't take their victories over Michigan and rub them in our faces, though I understand that these things are 'rare'. Or maybe they were 'medium-well'. I don't remember.

The MMB visits The LC.

The EuroTrip

2008-06-08T20:49:00.000-07:00

(to follow The Ties That Bind)

Quick Quiz: How do you get two hundred high school students, forty parents, a handful of instructors, and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of instruments from Los Angeles to Prague?

Well, the correct answer looks like this:

During Spring Break of my senior year, my high school band did a concert tour through Prague, Budapest, and Vienna. Since we weren't able to secure 250 seats on one plane, we were separated into six different groups. Over the course of 24 hours, the La Canada High School Band was dispersed in airports all over the world, with layovers in Minneapolis, London, Paris, Munich, Amsterdam, and Frankfurt. The amazing thing is, we all managed to make it to Prague in the end. Except for one kid...some freshman flute player. He was probably dispensable, though.

Anyway, this may have been the most dysfunctional and disorganized trip ever imagined. Many, MANY mistakes were made. Even though there were forty parent chaperones, there was essentially no actual supervision taking place. Minutes after my group arrived in Prague, I had learned that a group of orchestra girls had already been seen bar-hopping through the Czech Republic nightlife. They returned to the hotel late that night, only to be greeted by several flummoxed parents in the lobby. The 'rents discussed punishing the girls and sending them on the next flight back to California, but decided to let them off the hook. My theory is that the parents were actually more lenient because they themselves were also drunk at the time. Whatevskis. Mistakes were made. Apparently all was forgiven.

Our trip to Prague consisted of a concert performance in a nice auditorium, and then some unsupervised free time in the heart of the city. At our concert, we finished with our arrangement of "America the Beautiful." This was not a good idea. At the time, the Europeans did not look to kindly on Americans because of Afghanistan and terrorism and whatnot. Most audience members grimaced or covered their ears, while a few even stood up and walked out. Yeah...we made sure to suggest removing that song from our repertoire.

That evening, we returned to the hotel to find several 20ish year old Italian guys hanging out in the lobby. It didn't take them long to focus their attention on Amanda. They were blatantly and shamelessly flirting with her, but the language barrier proved problematic. My friend Elena was fluent in Spanish and tried to translate, but I don't think she was too familiar with trashy flirting and raunchy Italian slang. When the girls went back to their room for the evening, the Italians started slipping notes under their door, inviting them to hang out with them. They declined the invite, and after a while, the messages stopped.

While all the kids were loading the buses the next morning, Elena and I walked back into the hotel to grab Amanda, who was returning her room key. I was telling Elena how relieved I was that our experience in Prague had gone relatively smoothly, save for a few small issues. For the most part, everyone was innocent, well-behaved, and stayed out of trouble. Our conversation came to an abrupt halt when we walked through the lobby entrance, only to find Amanda full-on sucking face with one of the Italian Stallions. Elena and I froze, quickly processed our shock, and did what any good person should do when their friend is being macked on by a foreign stranger. We ran away. And, uh...left her there.

A few minutes later, Amanda emerged from the lobby with her hair slightly disheveled, and a strange look of pride slash denial. We made fun of her accordingly. Yes, mistakes were made. But no harm done.

This is where the EuroTrip began to veer off the path of innocence and onto the path of ineptitude. Our next task was to get all of these people from Prague to Budapest. Fortunately, we could all travel together by train. How quaint. How fun, isn't it? To travel through Europe by train? We'd be like wizards heading to Hogwarts! I think everyone imagined it would feel like that. Well...it definitely was not like Harry Potter.

First off, we were herded into a dilapidated Prague train station and basically told to sit and not move for several hours. When we entered the train, we were surprised to see that it did not have roomy cabins with dessert carts and chocolate frogs and horrible young British actresses. Each cabin was about the size of a bathroom stall, and contained six bunk beds. Believe me, once you managed to crawl into your bunk, it was foolish to try to escape. My situation was particularly difficult, because Eric, a nearly-blind freshman, was in my room and made a mess of everything. All I could do was try to fall asleep on my bed (slash wooden plank) and hope to wake up in Hungary.

At some point in the middle of the night, probably just moments after I was eventually able to fall asleep, I was startled by slamming on our cabin door. Suddenly, several men slid the door open and stepped into our minuscule room dressed in camo, with huge rifles, shouting at us in some Slavic language. We all freaked out and stared at the men, absolutely petrified. When they realized that we couldn't understand them, they just asked us, "Passports? PASSPORTS?!!" I told them that we didn't have our passports, and that the parents were keeping them, and then readied myself emotionally to be shot down on the spot. Fortunately, they merely grunted angrily and walked out the door.

After a while, students began to filter out of their cabins to figure out what all the commotion was about. No one knew what was going on, but the soldiers seemed to have come and gone. The only thing we knew was that it was unlikely that anyone would be getting any more sleep.

As we were departing the train, I could tell by everyone's faces that no one had slept much. Everyone looked beaten up and downright miserable. On top of that, the Budapest train station was the trashiest structure I had ever seen, and I feared it would collapse on us at any moment. As I maneuvered my way through the Hungarians and their MASSIVE HANDS, I heard one of our chaperones yelling behind me.

"Eric?! Where's Eric?!" Yes, apparently our quasi-blind freshman friend had wandered off alone in the crowded train station, and his mom was spazzzzing out about it. She grabbed my arm and scolded me for not keeping a watchful eye on him, and then sent me to find him. After about a minute, I saw him standing by himself on one of the nearby walkways. I asked him where he wandered to, and he said he just felt like walking around. Odd. Meanwhile, his Mom was screaming like a psychotic witch, and could be heard clearly from our walkway.

"Why didn't you walk back when you heard your mom screaming?" I asked him.

"I dunno. She screams all the time." Um...Weird. Were these people always this dysfunctional, or was the absurdity of this trip just amplifying it? Meh. It was just a simple mistake, I thought. All was soon forgotten.

Our performance in Budapest was by far the most disastrous. It was in an elegant indoor theatre, with a large backstage area. All of the students walked backstage to put their instruments together. I was in charge of setting the stage for each group, but I noticed that although I was placing the correct number of chairs, there didn't seem to be enough butts sitting in them. I checked the rooms backstage, only to find dozens of high schoolers sleeping on the floor. So, not only did I need to set up the stage, but I had to physically wake up each student and push them on stage.

On top of that, merely being on stage did not necessarily solve anything. Sure, the chairs were filled, but it doesn't do any good if everyone is falling asleep while performing. Each time a student had more than four or five measures of rest in the music, chances were they'd be fast asleep halfway through them. I even saw Amanda nearly drop her flute while dozing off on stage. Apparently, when that Italian sucked all the saliva out of her throat, he sucked out all her energy, as well.

To make matters worse, we still continued to perform the National Anthem, despite my admonishments to forgo the piece. Not only that, but one of our bus drivers insisted that she sing along with us, and her raspy American voice resonated painfully throughout the theatre. As I glanced from the stage to the audience, I saw the woman wailing "the rockets red glare," then saw the band members looking quite irritated that her cacophonous howling was interrupting their naps, then watched as the European locals once again produced angry faces and walked out of the theatre. The worst part was...I was so tired that I couldn't even roll my eyes anymore. Oh well. Mistakes were made. Hungary probably wasn't the most important political ally anyway.

We left for Vienna the next day. After the train debacle, we were glad that we'd be traveling by bus. Still, the ride got off to a strange start. Since we had left the city, we had been caravaning in dirt back roads alongside old and abandoned houses. After about an hour, we lost sight of the bus in front of us. The road started to narrow into one small lane, and the dirt road gradually transitioned into, well, just dirt. We came to a halt when we saw a large vehicle driving in our direction. This was a little worrisome, since there was no way it could get around a huge double-decker bus on such a small road. Nevertheless, it continued toward us, until it stopped just a few inches in front of us. When I looked inside, I could see all of my classmates - literally just inches away from my face. They looked as shocked as I was. Now, two buses in our caravan were stuck facing each other on a dirt road in Middle-Of-Nowhere, Hungary.

After some evasive and impressive maneuvering, the buses all turned around and we headed in the direction from which we came. After another hour, we were once again driving through downtown Budapest. What happened? Did we drive to Vienna in the completely wrong direction? Why were we in the same place we started TWO HOURS after our initial departure? Mistakes were made...and who knows what caused this one? BUDAPEST: You can check out whenever you want, but you can never leave.

We finished the three-hour drive to Vienna five hours after we first left Budapest. That evening, we had our first meal that didn't consist of salty chicken! Instead, they served us random meats, substances, and roughage, all completely fried in batter! At this point, everyone was in better spirits. The trip had been so poorly planned and disorganized that we all finally found it hilarious. Even the parents were in better moods slash completely drunk. One chaperone came up to me with her camera and showed me a photo of her and the four orchestra girls that were busted on the first night.

"LOOK! IT'STH ME AN' THE NAUGHTY GIRLS!" she slurred drunkenly. Way to go, parents. We need more Mormon chaperones.

After dinner, we drove back to our hotel. Well...almost. For some reason, the buses stopped about a mile away from where we were staying, and the parents and drivers made all 200 of us get out and walk through a cornfield unsupervised in the pitch black in a STRANGE FOREIGN COUNTRY. When we got back to the hotel, the parents were all in there laughing and smiling. Why did we have to walk back?

"It was all a joke!" another drunk parent grunted. Um...what? A joke? How is that funny?
Meh...whatever...mistakes were made. I still wanted more Mormons, though.

During our final night, Mrs. Hamre asked me to plan some sort of activity, basically to prevent anyone from getting into trouble. My friend Colin coordinated a complex boy band song and dance routine for us, along with three of our friends. Everyone crammed into the lobby and watched me make a fool of myself as I rocked out to "Bye Bye Bye" and "I Want It That Way."

As I embarrassed myself thoroughly, everybody finally seemed to forget about the frustration of the trip. Sure, it had been poorly organized. Sure, all of our performances were near-disasters where I had to physically wake my friends up to go onto the stage. Sure, that bus driver had an egregiously heinous and wretched voice. Nevertheless, in the end, we did experience three uniquevEuropean countries and cultures. We may have been hindered by one problem after another, but we survived.

Mistakes were made, but what can you really expect when you're one of 250 travelers in a group? After splitting everyone up once again into six different groups, spreading ourselves across the world, and flying back to Los Angeles, it seemed that everyone had made it back okay. Actually, I'm not positive about that one flute player...but...who really cares anymore?

As we were preparing to leave the baggage claim, Ben, a cellist, was looking slightly perturbed.

"Where's my cello?", he asked. We watched as one of the airport Mexicans carted over a cello case. He apologized, saying that the cello had been damaged after being RUN OVER by an airplane on the tarmac. The case seemed fine, but when Ben opened it, his $20,000 cello was indeed smashed into millions of pieces, absolutely destroyed beyond repair.

"It was a freak mistake," the worker said. Yeah...mistakes were made. It figures that the worst one would happen just before we were all home and safe. Curse you, Los Angeles Mexicans! Curse You!!!

The Ties That Bind

2008-05-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

(to follow The November Rain)

So there you have it. There are some interesting ties between my final performance senior year, and my last game in Michigan Stadium, exactly four years later. On the surface, this parallel may seem painfully depressing, but I assure you that it's not. We learn the most from moments of adversity, as they teach us to appreciate things more important than a win, or a first-place trophy. This loss taught me that success can be measured in more profound ways, such as through unswerving dedication, or by overcoming failures, or forging a lasting bond with your peers.

While exiting the basketball arena at my last competition, I thought about my friendships that had endured over the past four years. I remembered the moments just before our performance, when each senior stood up and reflected their thoughts on their marching band experience. Each one implored the younger musicians to make the most of their four-year endeavor, because it would go by faster than they think. We urged them to maintain focus, not on the glory of a win, but on their development as musicians, as leaders, and as friends.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what separated me and my peers from the 'Gregs' of the world - those that were far too willing to sacrifice what was truly important, all for selfish fame or personal recognition. For us, our persistence, our teamwork, and our appreciation...those were the ties that bound us together as a group, and the values that would make us stronger individuals for the rest of our lives. The finale may not have been perfect, but maybe the end just isn't as important as the means. After all, "it's not the end result that matters. What matters is the journey you take to get there." One thing is for sure: we always made sure to have fun whenever we could.

And so, after marching season was over, we did what many groups of friends have done when they just want to have some fun. That's right. We went to Prague...

The November Rain (and Armpit Stains)

2008-05-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

(to follow The Dream, Blast!ed)

November 17, 2003.

I ascended the uncomfortably narrow aisle to the upper levels of the overcrowded gym. As I looked up the stairs, I could see the cold rain pounding on the window in the distance. It never rains in November. Why did it have to rain today? The sound of the downpour was just a depressing reminder of the sour note on which this season was apparently going to end. Not exactly the end I had hoped.

I turned around in the aisle and glanced down upon 160 of my fellow high school musicians who stood looking at me with their overwhelmed looks. The judges announced that they were ready, and I gave my usual drum major salute. Oddly, a man to my right was particularly impressed, and idiotically shouted at me: "Whoh! There's a lot that's gonna be goin' on right here, isn't there?"

The hell? I was slightly amused, and for a second I forgot the rain. I was about to conduct my last field show, albeit at a rained-out field competition. Right then was probably not the best time for him to be chit-chatting. I shrugged it off, and raised my arms to begin conducting. As I did so, I felt a soreness in my left elbow. Maybe my friend Ben, a fellow senior and trombone section leader, noticed my slight discomfort, because I thought I saw him crack a smile at me from down on the gym floor. A few hours before, he and the other senior guys had given me a rather painful group hug in the parking lot, babbling, "We love you, Paul!", "You're an awesome drum major," et cetera.

I sucked it up, called the band to attention, and began conducting my last show. My swan song. My last performance as the Drum Major of the LCHS Marching Band...

And Flashback: Four Months Earlier.

The whole Band Council was cramped in Amanda's pool house amidst the arid August heat. She was talking about something Band President-related. The rest of the council just stared on, perhaps listening to what she was saying, but most likely once again focused on her notoriously large breas-...uhh, pool house. Yup, her large pool house. It was very well...developed. Maybe even Double Developed.

My mind was elsewhere. Across the room, I noticed Ben, the trombone section leader, scowling at me. I tried to ignore it, but his glare was intense, as if he would stand up at any minute and punch me in the face. Clearly, he didn't like me at the moment, and incorrectly thought I had sold out Virgile, the previous drum major. I had a lot of damage control to do.

We just finished discussing the theme of the show: "The Seven Seas," featuring music by Joseph Curiale. Both Mrs. Hamre and I were relieved to have a new marching instructor, particularly because he wasn't Greg, which already made him an improvement by default. The new guy's name was Mike Freed, and he was a marching instructor at Thousand Oaks High School. I had friends in their band, and I knew they had a strong program, so I was optimistic about the season. Except for the whole part about everyone hating me. Yeah, that sucked.

On the first day of our band camp, I had a discussion with Mike Freed about our plan for teaching marching. It was all very...awkward. In a lot of ways, Mike was the anti-Greg. Now, that's not necessarily a good thing, either. Despite all of Greg's problems, he was extremely charismatic. Mike quite possibly had the intellectual and social capacity of an 8 year-old. "Dork" would be a huge understatement. He was always dirty, spit when he talked, and frequently had snot dripping out from his nose.

I told him that I thought we should spend the entire first week focusing on marching fundamentals, because that was always our weakness. We shouldn't worry about learning the show until the second week, when we would have a good foundation to build off of. Mike disagreed, and explained why. It was something to do with the way Thousand Oaks High School does things, and how wonderful they are, and how he has been teaching for years blah blah blah...but alas, let's remind ourselves that I was just a 16-year old boy during all this. I didn't really have the focus or the patience for his flawed reasoning. Plus, he always did this thing where he talked a lot with his arms, allowing everyone to see his massive yellow armpit stains flapping around. And these were not small stains. They seemed to spread all the way down the sides and back of his shirt. I actually made sure to stand 2 feet away at all times, out of fear that his yellowed stains would somehow spread onto MY clothes. Meanwhile, during this whole discussion, Mike had some assistant guy next to him, contributing nothing to the conversation besides an occasional head nod. To this day, I don't know who or what this assistant was. I guess he was a little man, shorter than me (which is saying something). I never heard him say a word, and after a few days, he simply...disappeared. It's possible he got caught up in an epic Dungeons and Dragons game and is actually still playing it right now.

After our conversation, Captain Pitstain and his pet hobbit walked off together to chat. I heard Captain Pitstain mumbling to his little friend/pet, "This kid is a typical drum major. He thinks he knows what's best. He's in over his head, blah blah blah...," as they trailed off. I'm surprised I'm not permanently blind after rolling my eyes so much that day.

Maybe that's when I realized it. There was a reason we could never seem to get a really good marching instructor. They simply don't exist. Anyone that's talented enough to be good at teaching it would surely have at least a slightly better career. We were always going to be stuck with either an jerk, or a level-5 dungeonmaster with a homemade Agility+2 broad sword.

For the next week, the section leaders and I taught most of the marching fundamentals on our own. Slowly, their resentful glares toward me began to soften a bit. Nobody really listened to Admiral Armpit for the rest of the season, and he gradually became irrelevant. I'm a little grateful for it, because his incompetence may have been one of the reasons the angry section leaders actually accepted my leadership.

Late one evening toward the end of Band Camp, all of the seniors gathered in an empty hallway in our dorm. We joked about Uncle Underarms and his little friend, who had strangely, but most appreciatively, vanished. My senior class was much different than the seniors from the year before. While the last class was a large, accomplished group, we were much smaller and far less musically gifted. The advantage of a small class, though, was that we were all very close. We were basically 15 immature boys, and Amanda was the one girl who somehow was able to get what she wanted out of us. It was strange...she seemed to possess, some sort of feature, perhaps, that always drew our attention. Anyway, after a while, the conversation drifted toward Greg, and Virgile, and what had happened at the beginning of the summer. Richie, the baritone section leader, turned to me and asked, "Yeah, Paul. So, why did you rat out Virgile?"

Suddenly, the scowling returned. It seemed that they all wanted answers. With all of them together, it was my opportunity to clear up the truth once and for all. When I described the series of unfortunate events that led to my ostricization, then explained that it wasn't me who sold Virgile out, and that it was all a colossal misunderstanding, they believed me. "Yeah, I didn't think you would ever do something like that," Richie added at the end. It was a huge relief. Like going to the bathroom after Thanksgiving dinner. Or like...finishing a nonstop 48-hour hike up a steep mountain, and finally going to the bathroom for the first time in two days. Or like... spending a really, really long time explaining to your friends why you're not a narc, and then going to the bathroom.

A few days later, I had one of my biggest setbacks of the year. After band camp, the whole band travels back home to perform everything we've learned so far for our parents. After working nonstop for two weeks, I was severely exhausted at this point. All I had to do was conduct one show, and then I could go home and sleep for two or three days. However, when we arrived at the football field, there were no yard lines. Marching on a field WITH lines is hard enough as it is. A performance without lines....well....let's just say I contemplated changing the show theme to "The Village Idiots' Convention: Presented by the La Canada School for the Blind."

I worked up and down the field, using whatever I could find as yard markers. When it was time to perform, I climbed the podium as the band members marched onto the field. Several chunks of the band were at least 5 yards off from their correct spots. Everyone looked confused. My makeshift show theme was sounding more and more attractive.

I readied myself to conduct the show. A few seconds after I began, I realized that I started the piece at least 20 beats per minute too slow. I tried to speed it up, but only a few people were looking up at me, while others were frantically searching the unlabeled field for their spots. Soon, there were two tempos going. Then even more. I looked to my left, and Professor Perspiration was waving his arms trying to get some poor freshman clarinet player to move over, his stained shirt billowing like a giant yellow surrender flag. Maybe our "Seven Seas" theme was actually appropriate here. I could see him sweating profusely from where I stood conducting, like a ship taking on water. We miraculously managed to finish the show. Mike Freed's shirt was now repulsively transparent. Apparently, our ship had sunk.

Afterwards, I walked down from the podium, probably ready to vomit at any moment. Mrs. Hamre intercepted me on the way to the nearest garbage can. She was trying to make me feel better: "Wow, Paul. You really lost it. But, believe me, I've seen much worse at these things." I didn't feel better. I felt demoralized. Some of the seniors came up to me and tried to cheer me up. After some time, we were all joking about the countless mistakes we had all made during the show. Man, we had a lot of work to do. Good thing November was over two months away.

And, Fast Forward!!! By November, our group of seniors had clicked amazingly well. No, we weren't perfect, but we managed to accomplish a lot while having fun, a feat that last year's class was unable to complete. We had our second to last competition at the Hart Rampage Tournament in early November. We even won 1st Place in our division!!! Out of One! Regardless of that fact, our show had improved significantly since the disaster after band camp. Now, we had one more competition left. I would be the last regular competition of my high school career. If we scored high enough, though, we would qualify for Championships.

Since we had finished learning all the moves in the show, we were essentially just cleaning things and making tweaks to boost our music and general effect scores. During the week of our last competition, Mrs. Hamre was called in for jury duty and placed on a case. She knew that there was a lot of accomplish, and she couldn't trust a substitute teacher to teach marching band adequately, so she asked me to take over the classes. The problem was that there were two periods of band, and I was only in one of them. For the other class, I was supposed to be in AP Physics. It was probably a mistake on my part, but I ended up missing physics one day to go teach marching band. I didn't think Mrs. Waters really cared, because she seemed sadly aware of the fact that she was a horrible physics teacher. I could never understand what she was saying through her thick Scottish twang anyway.

So, I went to teach marching band. I took advantage of this time to work on some musical issues that had been bothering me, and add some stylistic elements to the show. We actually got a lot done, and it would certainly help boost our scores at the final competition.

It didn't take long before I was called into the Attendance Office for "ditching class." I was probably unjustifiably frustrated by this, because I was clearly guilty, but I couldn't help but resent the fact that I was being reprimanded for missing one class to go TEACH another class, while my friends were cutting school to go to the beach, or go out to eat, or simply to take a nap. I needed Mrs. Waters' signature to clear my name, and I explained to her my situation. She gave me her usual sarcastic look and said, "Wull now Paul, yeh shunt be dun thiz so' ouf Bit 'snut guh fo' yo' recor un' Bit an' yo' sho' know thiz Bit fo' th'exam bit in may an' yo' prolly gun' geh oul tho' attendance hoffice folk righ' up mental wud me an' ah dun need tha' Bit righ' now."

See, her lips were moving, but everything just sounded like "Bit Bit BIT BIT BIT." I just sort of stood confused, and then innocently handed her the paper, hoping that she had agreed to sign it at some point during her incoherent babbling. Then she leered at me and said something like, "Was thiz bit? Ah bit the bit bit bit bit." I had no idea if she was even speaking English at this point, and then reached out further with my attendance office slip. She snatched it, angrily piercing me with her eyes, sighed, and spoke to me with a punishing tone, "You should come to class, Paul." Yeah, I understood that last bit.

By the day of the last competition, I felt very confident. Our show was much better, and everyone was really eager to perform. As we loaded the buses, I could feel the excitement from the students around me. And in just a few hours, they would be able to show that audience just how hard they had worked since the last competition.

Then the rain came...pounding against the bus windows on our way to Moorpark College. I began to worry. I had heard about competitions being rained out in the past, and then subsequently moved indoors for a standstill performance. According to the rules, scores given at rained-out competitions could not be used to qualify for Championships. We would be out of the running by default.

After we pulled into the parking lot at Moorpark College, I dashed over to one of the other buses to ask Mrs. Hamre what was going on. She told me exactly what I couldn't bear to hear. The competition was rained out. We would play a standstill performance in the basketball arena. Our Championship dreams were effectively quashed.

Before I could walk back to the other buses to inform my fellow band members of the sad news, the seniors walked out into the rain to ask me what was going on. I explained our situation, and they responded with disappointed and despondent looks.

"So all our work over the past two weeks was a waste?," one of them asked. I just shrugged. Finally, one of the section leaders spoke up and said, "Well, nothing we can do now. This is our last competition. Let's make it fun." Then they all started hooting and shouting and jumping around me saying, "WE LOVE YOU PAUL" like a drunken mob. I felt an arm bash into my left elbow, but I didn't care. I started laughing, and maniacally so, after one of them started tickling me. My friends knew I was exceptionally ticklish, and they all joined in. I laughed uncontrollably until I fell to the ground, clutching my elbow and practically having an asthma attack. Ha...I could barely breathe. It hurt so good.

The evanescent cheer ended when I returned to each bus to tell the marching band members the unfortunate news. Some were confused, but most just looked on, disappointed. They begrudgingly grabbed their instruments, and walked into a nearby practice hall. Since there was no need to go over much of the marching or visual effects, we had a lot of down time. There was a chance for the seniors to speak to everyone and share their thoughts, but I'll touch on this later. After some time, we picked up our instruments, and marched toward the basketball arena.

During the march to the gym, everything began to hit me. I had pictured how this day would turn out for a while now. I envisioned us performing the best show of my four years, blowing the audience away, beating our rivals to take the first place trophy during the awards ceremony, celebrating as a band after the joyous result, and then heading home satisfied with the season and with a ticket punched to Championships. I figured that had to be the natural result of four years of hard work, dedication, obstacles, and frustration. All of the anxiety and sleepless nights caused by Greg had to be for something. We earned the glory. How could I expect anything less?

As I walked up the basketball arena risers to take my place as conductor, I thought longingly of the ideal end - that grand finale that I had wanted for so long. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel, now that my dream and reality were officially and irreconcilably different. I raised my arms and began conducting my last show. I may have even teared up slightly during our rendition of "I Have a Love," our beautiful ballad. After the final note, I bowed for the judges, the audience, and my 160 peers on the gym floor. I stepped down and led the way as they followed me one last time off our stage, out from under the glow of the flourescent lights, and into the rainy November night.

The Dream, Blast!ed

2008-05-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

(to follow The Stock Market Cymbals)

Putting my junior year into words is not going to be an easy task. Unfortunately, compared to my last post, this one is probably going to be more of a downer.......

It was requested from me that I remove this post. If you would like to access it, please email me.

The Stock Market Cymbals

2008-05-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

(to follow The Tears and the Years)

While I sit, anxiously waiting to get blown out by the Gators in the Capital One Bowl, I think I'll recap the highlights of my marching band experience over the past eight years. Let me begin with my sophomore year in high school, when I was a member of the La Canada High School Winter Drumline. I was one of four kids on the cymbal line, and we performed and competed in the Southern California Percussion Alliance. The theme of our show was actually really cool. It was entitled "18 Wall Street", and portrayed the Stock Market Crash of 1929.

Now that I'm looking at the name again, I don't think the New York Stock Exchange is even located on 18 Wall Street. Let's see here...Yes. I'm right. Wikipedia is telling me that the address was 18 Broad Street in 1929. Interesting how no one thought any of this at the time. Whatevskis!

Here was the makeup of the battery section of our Drumline:

Snares (3): Mike, Peter, Robby

Tenors (2): Dan Dawg, Johnny

Basses (5): Evan, Vijay, Scott (aka my brother, aka Cow), Alex, David

Cymbals (4): Virgile, Kevin, Amanda, and Me

I spent the majority of my time with my fellow cymbal players. I guess we each had our own...uhhh...talents. Virgile, a junior, was probably the best musician out of all of us. But Kevin, a sophomore, was probably the best at actually playing cymbals. Amanda, also a sophomore, had very large breasts, which were particularly conducive to muffling the sound of the cymbal crash. That leaves me, and I'm struggling to figure out my talent here. I guess I was able to hold the cymbals up longer than everyone else. That's...something. On the whole, though, I would say that our combined musical skills fell somewhere in between mediocre and blithely ignorant.

Most of the people reading this probably don't have a lot of experience playing cymbals. Let me describe the basics: First off, and I don't mean to offend any cymbal players, as I feel that after playing cymbals for three years I can say this...but cymbals are pretty much the least musical instrument EVER. It really doesn't require much skill. Yes, there are over a hundred ways to crash a cymbal, but there are also over a hundred ways to destroy my apartment, and my hamster perfected 78 of them.

One of my favorite parts of cymbal-ing is when you accidentally crash it too close to your body, and you'd pinch your skin between the cymbals. Sometimes we would be standing and practicing and the person next to me would pinch himself, and then scream from the searing pain, and fall to the ground. It was hilarious/horribly, horribly painful. By the end of the season, I'm sure all four of us were pinched and bruised all over our arms and chests, and the marks took months to disappear. The cymbals were also good at completely disabling nearly all of our hand capabilities. It was frustrating to be unable to scratch my nose without bashing a huge piece of metal into my forehead...or answer my cell phone...or plant a garden...or aim into the toilet.

So, back to "18 Wall Street." Looking back, I think that none of us really realized exactly how good we were. In fact, apparently by the end of the season, we were REALLY good, yet, always and forever - blissfully ignorant. The climax of the Winter Drumline season came at the SCPA Championships at Cal State University San Bernadino. We met before dawn on a Saturday morning at LCHS to pack the equipment into the truck. Then we loaded the bus and drove 2 hours to CSUSB. Just like every other drumline competition, we unfolded the drumline floor, and spent a few hours practicing and running through the show. Folding the floor back up was always a huge hassle that no one wanted to do. In order to do a good job, it required about 20 people folding at once. Once folded, the floor weighed over 150 lbs and had to be pushed around on a cart. After we finished, we lugged ourselves and our despised floor to the basketball arena to perform our show for the judges.

Here's how this works: Before a drumline starts performing, the floor needs to be unrolled, then the pit equipment needs to be moved on top of it, then come all of the props, and then we need to pick up our instruments and get into position...all in about a minute. It's unbelievably hectic, and once we're finally ready to perform, we're already out of breath. After setting up, we performed our stock market crash-themed show, and quickly and frantically removed everything off of the floor. Plus, since we don't have enough time to nicely fold the floor, we just quickly rolled it up into a long mess. About 20 of us stood in a line alongside the floor, picked it up, and sprinted with it out of the gym. Once we were outside, we left it in one big heap in the rain.

At this point, we were ready to eat lunch, and go home. We knew we wouldn't have to worry about performing in the finals, and we didn't really want to stay to watch the evening performances. Several thoughts involving burning the Floor were also floating around. As we were eating, Mark, our instructor, walked up and told us to get our instruments and start practicing. We all stood confused, which may not have actually phased Mark, because we were perpetually confused about everything for five months now. Apparently we had placed second at prelims - well over the qualifying mark for finals. Our shock transitioned quickly to excitement, and back to shock again, after someone shouted, "Oh, crap! The Floor!"

No, we didn't burn it. But it was lying in the rain and dirt, completely drenched. After practicing for an hour or so, and after the rain subsided, we set out to cleaning the Floor. Alas, our resources were extremely limited, both in terms of cleaning supplies, and mental competence. Most of us got on our hands and knees and started rubbing it down with paper towels. The parents helped out, too...and I even remember Mrs. Hamre wiping the Floor down.

You may have also noticed that I started capitalizing "Floor". Halfway through this entry, I realized what a significant impact this particular floor has had ON MY LIFE. Surely significant enough to warrant a capital letter. If "The Depression" gets to be capitalized, then "The Floor" deserves it, too. Perhaps even italicized. And underlined twice. And sandwiched in between several crying and angry-faced emoticons.

Anyway, back to cleaning :-( !!The Floor!! )-: . We honestly weren't sure if it was even working. It was already dark, and there was no outside lighting. Some of the drummers thought it would help to spread out the pit covers over The Floor while Elena and Andrew, two very very small freshman pit members, sat on the covers so we could drag them across The Floor, hopefully absorbing some of the moisture. After dragging the freshmen back and forth across it several dozen times, and after running out of paper towel reserves, we stood in the pitch black staring at the barely visible Floor, and proclaimed it clean.

At this point, my nerves were catching up with me. Since we didn't ever think we were good, there was never that much pressure on us during our performances. Suddenly, we had the opportunity to place at championships! We had the opportunity to beat Arcadia High School, one of our rivals. We focused ourselves, marched our equipment back over to the gym, and waited for our turn to take the stage. Typically, we would stand in a circle, pray and hope for a good show before all of our competitions. This time, everything mattered so much more. After we wished each other luck, we stood waiting to ready the gym. Just like always, we sprinted on, unfolded The Floor, set up the props, positioned the pit equipment, picked up our instruments, and waited for the judges to tell us when to start.

As I reached for my cymbals, I distinctly remember Peter next to me saying, "Oh.....Shit!" He was staring at The Floor, his jaw dropped. I looked at The Floor in shock. It was completely covered in a clearly visible and thick layer of dirt and sopping wet filth. Obviously, there was nothing we could do at this point. Hopefully it wouldn't really affect our performance. After the judges' "go", we started. From the get-go, I noticed some of the drummers having trouble maintaining their traction on the slippery floor. Each step prompted a squishy sound and seemed to flick water in every direction. I specifically remember nearly face-planting on a touch-and-go early in the show, and then later helping Rachel up when she slipped behind a prop.

By the end of the show, we seemed to get the hang of the slippery surface, and finished a strong performance. Once again, we quickly cleared The Floor, picked it up, and ran out the door. This time, we had absolutely no qualms about leaving The Floor outside in a wet, disgusting, unholy heap. Several drumline members even attacked The Floor, kicking and cursing at it. Though I'm usually a calm and subdued person, I may have even thrown a punch or two.

At the end of the evening, we went to the awards ceremony. For championships, all of the drumline members from every school line up on the court to hear the results and to accept medals. To our right was Ayala High School, the drumline we knew would win First Place. To our left was Arcadia High School, our rival that we hoped to beat. On one side, Arcadia's drummers were giving us dirty and angry looks. On the other, Ayala was all smiles, congratulating us on our performance, and saying things like "Go USA! Go Everyone! We're All Winners!". Ugh...I couldn't stand either one.

One by one, they announced the results. Eventually:

3rd Place: Arcadia High School

2nd Place: La Canada High School!

1st: Ayala

We were all elated! It was such a great end to a crazy day, and a long season. We wore our silver medals proudly, and exited the arena. We thanked all the parents, boarded the bus, and headed home.

During the ride back to La Canada, the excitement slowly began to sink in. I realized how much we had accomplished over the past season. Our long hours and strenuous practicing had paid off, and we developed a strong sense of camaraderie and work ethic. All in all, it was a truly fulfilling experience, and quite an achievement for a group of high schoolers. We got back to LC around dawn, thoroughly exhausted from the days' events. Nevertheless, we all wished each other goodbye and headed home feeling proud, our stock higher than ever.

The Tears and the Years

2008-04-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

(to follow The Big Game)

I joined the saddened and tearful band members for our last post-game performance of the season. Traditionally, the seniors perform a senior show after post-game. Though we had hoped to do this amidst the thrill and excitement of victory, we could only feel icy, cold, wet defeat. One bright spot was that this was my opportunity to conduct “Hey, Jude,” a song that is particularly meaningful to me, as it was part of our performance on our Rose Bowl trip my freshman year.

As I stood on the ladder conducting my friends, I couldn’t help but feel that I had been in this position before…conducting under a cold sheet of rain, amidst a sad and tragic atmosphere. In many ways, my band experience during my senior year of high school ended in a similar state. The ups and downs…the hopes and dreams…and the final heartrending and disappointing swan song…but that’s a story for another day.

The point is this: After four years of putting your heart and soul into something, you begin to formulate an ideal end – a grand finale – in your thoughts. The fulfillment of this dream, this quintessential conclusion, becomes supremely important. To miss out on the fruition of this, only to experience tragic defeat, is an unfortunate and unwelcome reality.

Sure, at first this seemed devastating. Many of my peers were even crying, and I really couldn’t blame them. Still, I realized that one loss does not completely determine the success or failure of four years of my life. I thought back to the advice I offered the future drum majors when I stepped down from that role at the end of my senior year in high school:

“Remember, it’s not the end result that matters. What matters is the journey you take to get there. Always try to take the right path.”

So there you have it. Despite the bitter end, I have a lot of proud moments to look back on. The triple-overtime win over MSU. My personal Rose Bowl homecoming. The thrilling victory over Penn State. The destruction of Brady Quinn and the Irish. The Game of the Century against Ohio State. This year’s gutsy wins over Illinois and MSU.

As I marched off the field on this cold, emotional day, I thought: Today’s loss doesn’t undermine the emotion and the pride I have felt over the past four years. It merely reminds me that the world is full of trials and tribulations, but life does not have to be absolutely perfect in order to be fulfilling. I have been a part of great things in this stadium, and those are the memories that I will carry with me forever. Those are the events that make me who I am. And those are the moments that I kept in my thoughts as I walked out of the stadium one last time, amidst the cool, silent air…beneath the gentle glow of the Saturday night lights.

And now back to that quote from my senior year. That’s a pretty mature statement coming from a 17-year old. I’m pretty impressed…and I’m ‘me’. Now that the season is over, and Bowl Trip is over a month away, I should reflect on my lifelong band experience. What led me to see things the way I do; To see that…between the good and the bad...the weeks and the months…the tears and the years, we must always remember to appreciate our successes, and learn from our missteps.

And if we make sure to remember that…then no, we really can’t lose, can we?

The Big Game

2008-04-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

November 17, 2007. Michigan Stadium.
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Ohio State Buckeyes

Gameday. We were focused. We meant business. I arrived on the steps of Revelli Hall at dawn and joined my fellow seniors for one final performance of “Salvation is Created”. As the sun rose, the light shone off the dewed sidewalks, reflecting the iridescent colors of fall, of our instruments, of the morning sky, and of the maize and blue atmosphere. With each ascending line of the magnificent piece, I yearned more for my own salvation; for the glory that this day could bring for Michigan faithful.

The rigor and intensity of the marching rehearsal was assuaged by the cool morning breeze. The practice was almost a formality. We knew we were prepared. It was almost as if the difficulty of this particular show scared us into focusing that much harder…just so we would be ready for the game. The Alto Tailgate was delicious as usual, but I was less focused on stuffing my face and more focused on watching ESPN College Gameday and getting into my uniform.

I went back to my apartment with Tom and Dustin to get changed. Seeing Ann Arbor on College Gameday was pretty exciting. We verbally abused Kirk Herbsteit while putting on our uniforms for our final march to the stadium. We even wore eyeblack to look that much more intimidating. Then we joined our fellow section members and paraded to the Big House. Even though the air was frigid, the rain was falling, and the odds were against us, we remained focused on the task at hand.

My final pregame in Michigan Stadium was a tearjerker. It’s impossible to adequately describe the feeling of coming out of the tunnel. Just imagine the nothingness…the utter silence within the concrete walls of Michigan Stadium, save for one constant drumbeat, beating in tempo with the hearts and minds of 235 maize and blue-clad musicians. Immediately, the silence vanishes behind you as if it never existed, and is replaced by the raucous cheering of 112,000 passionate fans in every direction. The first note of “M Fanfare” ignites the air, fueled by the ageless Michigan tradition. Even after all these years, the overwhelming nature of the piece still engages the fans, making them feel as if they are hearing it for the first time. As we march across the field to the tune of “The Victors,” the weight of our legs becomes exponentially more burdensome. However, the singing and chanting voices of the crowd serve as a momentary steroid, stimulating our adrenaline and inspiring us to push ourselves to the limit. Meanwhile, the faint boos of the opposing fans are heard in the background, just enough to make their presence known and motivate our Michigan pride. As we march off the field, it seems as if the last twelve minutes were both the shortest and longest of our lives. The perpetual struggle to endure the difficulty of pregame, compounded with the ephemeral transition from silence to riotous cheering to fleeting exhilaration, all of which is elegantly moderated by the timeless emotion and tradition that is 'Michigan Football'.

The game we were waiting for was finally underway. Chad Henne and Mike Hart were both playing, and we took a 3-0 lead early on. The band members around me were as fiery as I had seen them, treating our momentary lead with both satisfaction and guarded optimism. OSU’s running back Chris ‘Beanie’ Wells became the bulk of the opposing offense. He scored a touchdown in the second quarter, and OSU led 7-3 at the half. So far, it was a defensive struggle, but the cheers from band members did not subside. We took the field for our halftime performance, pouring our collective energy into the final challenging show in Michigan Stadium.

After halftime, the crowd was rejuvenated. We returned to our seats to cheer on our heroes, our efforts bolstered by the screams of the nearby student section. Before long, however, Beanie Wells silenced those cheers with an early third quarter touchdown. Suddenly, the student section was not a factor. The energy and excitement seemed limited to just the band section. We continued to cheer, but the football team produced one three-and-out after another. Slowly, the cheers around me subsided and the marching band crowd absorbed into the silence of the student section. Each subsequent three-and-out was like a twist of a knife. All of the faces around me showed concern and heartbreak. The icy rain and moldy marching band raincoats only added to our misery. As the fourth quarter wound down, all hope seemed lost. The reality was that the senior football players would indeed finish 0-4 against their bitter rival. I would graduate without ever beating OSU. And as the clock struck zero, Lloyd Carr walked off the field one last time, with a tragic loss in his final home game.

Final Score: Ohio State 14 – Michigan 3

The Eve of Battle

2008-04-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today has been a pretty exciting day of immersing myself in the Michigan tradition. We had a Fanfare Band gig this morning at Schembechler Hall, where the football team practices. It was for a ceremony to recognize the construction of a new football practice facility. Coach Carr was there, looking classy and business-like as usual. Man, do I love him. Any chance to play for him makes me feel all warm and bubbly inside. This calls for a happy face moment…yup…here it is: ☺

That felt good. However, on our way out of the building, we walked by some medical room where we could see Chad Henne lying on a hospital-type bed. He didn’t look so great, either. I really hope he can play tomorrow. Otherwise, you know what’s gonna happen. That’s right…here it is:

:(

Band practice was pretty freezing today, but the show is actually going pretty well. There were a lot of fans that braved the conditions to see us today. All of Ann Arbor seems blissfully high on Michigan spirit. It’s awesome.

After practice, we literally had to run to the Diag for another Fanfare Band gig. This was for the Beat OSU Pep Rally, part of the newly formed “Beat OSU Week.” It was really exciting…Jamie Morris spoke, John Bacon spoke, Jim Brandstatter spoke, and I had a front row seat for all of it. Also, College Gameday is coming to Ann Arbor…and we’re playing for the Big Ten Title and a Rose Bowl berth. Everything seems to be in place for what could be one of the best Saturdays of my life…

So, cross your fingers. It’s time to kick the tires and light the fires. I’m hoping for a glorious day tomorrow…For the Maize and Blue. For the players. For Coach Carr. And for all the dedicated Michigan fans who stood by their team during such a turbulent year.

Go Blue!

The Fighting Hearts Ailing

2008-04-18T11:31:00.001-07:00

So, just by being a member of the Michigan Marching Band, you are constantly immersed in Michigan football tradition. In fact, any band member would probably agree that the performance of the football team affects how you act in your daily life. It affects your mood, it affects your relationships…it’s almost as if we are living vicariously through the lives of players on the field.

That being said, the emotional roller coaster that is Michigan Athletics is enough to take years off of your life. On top of that, the physical damage on your body induced by the marching techniques we do doesn’t help. I have rarely marched in peak physical health at any point during my four years. As a freshman, I pulled a hip flexor and limped my way through September. My sophomore year, I nearly collapsed during Band Week for reasons I still can’t understand. Last year, I managed to sprain my ankle just before Rank Leader Retreat.

This year, however, has been slightly different. I’ve been pretty healthy from the get-go. Plus, I’m not fat. (Seriously, there are a surprising amount of hefty people in the MMB). Nevertheless, during recent weeks, I feel like my legs and ankles have been turning into, for lack of a better word, “mush”. And it seems like my injuries have worsened as the football players’ have done the same. Hence my initial point. See how I tied that together there? You’re so smart, Paul. And such a pretty face, too!

Anyway, I was lucky to have a weekend off, as the Wisconsin game is away and I’m not travelling. Unfortunately, Chad Henne and Mike Hart took the weekend off, as well. Both have injuries, and weren’t playing. Chad took a few snaps, but clearly couldn’t do much. Hart didn’t play at all. We lost. Final Score: Wisconsin 37, Michigan 21. It was just all…very depressing. I’m hoping that we can all take this next week to heal. I just don’t want to experience another loss to Ohio State, but it seems like all the elements are against us right now. Gotta have faith in my Wolverines! One week to go!

The Calm Before the Storm

2008-04-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

Great News! My legs are feeling much less mushy right now…which is excellent, because our show this week is pretty strenuous. We’re doing a Cirque de Soleil show, which involves crazy backwards-follow-the-leader-blindly-imminent-disaster-certain-impending-doom moves. Still, it’s nice to have a challenging show for my last game in Michigan Stadium. What’s NOT nice is having to practice it in such freezing conditions. On top of that…we’re learning Senior Show this week, which involves even more rehearsal in the bitter, bitter cold. On the bright side, I do get to conduct “Hey, Jude!”

I’m excited for Saturday, but I’m also painfully nervous. After putting so much dedication and emotion into being a marching band member and a Michigan fan over the past four years, you can see why I’d like to go out on a high note (punny!). Not only that, but with these senior football players, and with what could possibly be Lloyd Carr’s last Big Ten game, I’m wishing for a win for them, as well.

Honestly, this is all pretty nerve-wracking. A win this weekend will be very fulfilling. A loss…well…I really don’t want to go through that again.

The Maize and Blue Rising, Part I

2008-03-30T15:16:00.001-07:00

Alright, so…the reality is that I suck at updating this blog. Nevertheless, I’m going to try to recap a few weeks at once here. Let’s start with the Illinois game. Sound good? Good.

October 20, 2007. Memorial Stadium.
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Illinois Fighting Illini

The week leading up to this game was pretty stressful for hardcore Michigan fans. Mike Hart and Chad Henne were both injured? Or were they? Yes? No? Of course we were left guessing. Would they start? Would they play? Moreover, the fact that Illinois is actually kind of good this year just added to my anxiety.

On top of ALL of this, I couldn’t even watch the game. The Michigan Marching Band was performing at Band-o-Rama in Hill Auditorium, which conflicted with the football game time. Just before our performance started, marching band members were exploring the Modern Languages Building, looking for televisions with decent reception so we could get a glimpse of our beloved Wolverines. Naturally, we finally found one working TV, saw Mike Hart out of uniform on the sidelines, and then immediately had to leave for our performance.

Being members of the alto saxophone section, the consensus most prominent and most important musical section in the band, we were placed on…the very back of the stage. Some of us were actually stuck behind a pillar. And, I think Alan might have been standing underneath a tuba player. After 26,000 sets of entries, the brass players all backed up about a foot onstage, effectively smashing us into the back wall.

No matter. My lovely co-rank leader Nicole and I were fortunate to be on the end next to Carl Grapentine, the announcer and “voice” of the Michigan Marching Band. On a side note: I kind of wish Carl were the voice of my entire life. Like…a personal narrator. You know…like Emma Thompson in “Stranger than Fiction.” Except…without the crappy storyline, and bad acting, and painfully uncreative irony. Seriously, now I’m kind of angry. Emma Thompson is such a good actress, and I could have written that screenplay while sitting on the toilet and balancing a bar of soap on my forehead and doing ab crunches with ankle weights on. Not that I ever do things like that in the bathroom……………I don’t! I swear! Don’t look at me that way…COME BACK, CARL GRAPENTINE! I miss your voice!!!! I’m sorry!!!!!

Wow, how did I get so off-topic there? Yeah, so….Carl would go backstage during the songs and check out the football game, then come back and give Nicole and me updates. Unfortunately, these updates were, “It doesn’t look good guys.” “Hart’s out. Henne’s hurt. Mario Manningham’s hurt. We’re losing. We look pretty bad right now.”

Words cannot express how utterly stressful this concert was while knowing this information. Here we were, just toot-toot-tooting our horns while there was an f-ing BATTLE going on. Needless to say, the moment the concert ended, we literally sprinted to my apartment, in full uniform, saxophones-in-hand and arms FLAILING in the air.

We were able to see the whole fourth quarter, during which Chad Henne led a furious comeback while injured, and Adrian Arrington accidentally executed a RIDICULOUS trick play where he ran right on a reverse and tossed a touchdown pass to Mario Manningham to give us the lead. Final Score: Michigan 27, Illinois 17. Amazing Game.

The Maize and Blue Rising, Part Deux

2008-03-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

November 3, 2007. Spartan Stadium.
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Michigan State Spartans

Despite Henne’s gutsy game, it was clear that he was still beat up. Two weeks later, we traveled to East Lansing for the Michigan State game. Chad Henne and Mike Hart were both playing, and seemed okay, but still not completely healthy. The game reflected this, and MSU had a 10-point lead midway through the fourth quarter. On top of that, Henne aggravated his injury, forcing Ryan Mallett to come in. Approximately 3 seconds after Ryan Mallett had stepped onto the field, he had already fumbled the ball, which Mike Hart subsequently snatched up and took for a first down. Way to keep me excited/give me a heart-attack, Ryan Mallett.

Obviously, Henne had to come back in the game because there was no way Mallett could hold onto the football, let alone lead a comeback. In just over 6 minutes, Henne lofted a 14-yard touchdown pass to Greg Mathews, and a spectacular 31-yarder to Mario Manningham. The once-booming Spartan crowd quickly reverted to their usual emotions of worthlessness and self-pity. Final Score: Michigan 28, Michigan State 24.

I must say, it must be extremely demoralizing to be a Michigan State fan. Here’s my four-year recap: My freshman year, we were down by 17 with six minutes left, and still won in three overtimes. My sophomore year, we won after one overtime. My junior year, we blew them out. Then this. Ha Ha Sparty. Sucks to be you.

Then, as we were marching off the field, one of the Michigan State assistant coaches tried to walk through our ranks. Just to be clear, this is a big No-No. Don’t ever expect to walk through the band without being pelted with drumsticks, then tripped and trounced on, then left for dead. We simply told the coach he couldn’t walk through. Infuriated, he retorted by screaming at the whole band, “YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING CLASSLESS! THIS IS SOME CLASSLESS BULLSHIT!” His shouting echoed through the emptied stadium, and he stood there red-faced, screaming profanities. Interestingly, he was carrying a small child on his shoulders during this whole episode. I guess cussing out 300 marching band members in front of a young, innocent child is considered classy in East Lansing. Oh you Michiganders, you impress me more every day!

Now, I must say, this football season has been anything BUT boring. After these thrilling wins, the App State and Oregon fiascos seem so far away. Kudos to Lloyd Carr and these student-athletes who came back from a disastrous start to salvage the season. After eight consecutive wins, we’re back on top of the Big Ten Standings, and the final game against Ohio State will be for a BCS berth. In such an emotional year, this team has played tough, and the true fans have stood by them. After falling early, the Maize and Blue are rising, and this team can still make Michigan history when all is said and done.

The Progression

2008-03-30T14:01:00.000-07:00

October 13th, 2007. Michigan Stadium
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Purdue Boilermakers

Following a four game winning streak, it seemed like Michigan Football was progressing back in the right direction. With so many home games, and my classes, and everything else, I started to feel physically and emotionally drained. Fortunately for me, Fall Break was ahead. All that stood in the way was a talented Purdue team.

The Michigan offense started out aggressively. After just a few minutes, Henne had already completed one touchdown to Mario Manningham. Purdue responded and tied it up midway through the first quarter. However, what followed was some of the most efficient offensive play I’ve seen since being a student at Michigan. After two Mike Hart touchdowns, two Carlos Brown touchdowns, and another Manningham receiving touchdown, the scoreboard read Michigan 48 – Purdue 7. Purdue would score in garbage time, but the end of the game still left me satisfied. Final Score: Michigan 48 – Purdue 21.

At this point, it was clear that a break from football was needed. And what could better fill that void than ALTO PROG!

What is Alto Prog, you ask? Well, if my parents are reading this blog, this is where you stop and move on to the next entry. Otherwise, just replace every mention of an alcoholic beverage with a type of flower, or fluffy animal, or something like that. Yup. Completely innocent here.

Anyway…Alto Prog. This is where all of the members of the Alto Saxophone section come together for an evening and progress from house to house, enjoying a different drink (tulip? bunny rabbit?) at each stop. This year’s theme was….well….‘me’. “Paul Prog” began with a Case Race symbolizing “Paul’s Conception”, where we split into three teams and drank three cases of beer as fast as possible. The winning group would achieve my conception! Because isn’t that the most difficult race of your existence anyway?

Next stop: Paul’s’ Bar Mitzvah. Here, we had a candle lighting ceremony where we recognized each member of the section. They all joined me to light their candles, and then Alan played Hava Nagila on his saxophone while the alto masses lifted me into the air on a chair. It was sublime.

Then came the Mojitos. This was meant to represent my first halftime show, which was the Latin Show during my freshman year. All in all, this was one of the best drinks of the night.

Then came my stop. Paul’s First Love: Tequila Shots. I won’t give a background story here, other than the fact that I am completely innocent, and I spend all of my free time petting animals or feeding the homeless. Anyway, while everyone enjoyed their shots, complete with salt and lime, I was frantically cooking made-to-order crepes in my kitchen. I made about 50 crepes in 35 minutes. Each person had their choice of ingredients, including nutella, bananas, strawberries, whip cream, and coconut. Best drunk food EVER.

Up next was rum and apple cider. Yes, this signified my first real Fall in Ann Arbor. And Pat and Nicole did an excellent job mixing these drinks (arranging flowers).

Craig’s stop was “Paul Goes to the Beach.” They asked me to parade around with my shirt off here, but I declined. Instead, I happily enjoyed the sex on the beach drinks.

Finally, our last stop was “Paul’s First Kiss.” We each enjoyed peppermint patties, which consisted of drinking peppermint schnapps and washing it down with chocolate syrup. This was definitely the messiest stop, and we all probably pet the bunnies a little more than we should have.

Anyway, the evening ended at a huge house party, and the altos seemed satisfied with the evening. Yes, this was definitely the best Alto Prog yet, and it’ll be a tough one to beat. Fall Break is ahead, but after that, it’s back to work. This season is still just beginning.

The Irish, Creamed.

2007-11-15T22:06:00.001-08:00

September 15th, 2007. Michigan Stadium.
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Notre Dame Fighting Irish

In an unexpected turn of events, both these teams entered the matchup with 0-2 records. On top of that, “Fire Lloyd” shirts began selling all over campus. I found this immensely frustrating. Not only were fans criticizing their beloved coach, but they seemed to lose all hope for the season. So what if they fired Carr? What would that solve? Yeah, let’s fire our coach in the middle of the season. Then maybe we’ll win some games. Idoits.

Fortunately for me, I am surrounded by some of the best fans on campus in the Michigan Marching Band. All week long, a mentality of perfection surged through the band. We knew that we would only expect the best from ourselves this week, and we hoped to spread that attitude to Wolverines in such dire need of guidance and inspiration.

At Friday’s Pep Rally, the Michigan Marching Band ignited the atmosphere with our energy. Jamie Morris eloquently and openly SCOLDED Michigan fans for their abysmal behavior. Lloyd Carr was focused on the task at hand. Mike Hart GUARENTEED a victory over our rivals. And Russell Crowe even came to the game to inspire the football team to win.

This week’s halftime show was music from “Guitar Hero.” We opened with Iron Man, intimidating all of Michigan Stadium with a wall of sound. At the climax of the show, we headed to the student section and rocked out to Fire Bird. The Stadium was rocking. The football team was rolling. And Notre Dame was reeling. With Chad Henne injured and out, Mike Hart carried his team to victory, and a dominant 38-0 win over the Irish gave us a glimmer of hope for the future.

The Road Test

2007-11-15T22:06:00.000-08:00

September 23rd, 2007. Ryan Field.
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Northwestern Wildcats

So, I wanted to go to this game more than anything. Every year, the students in the MMB travel as fans to one away game, and this was it. I wanted to be in attendance for Michigan’s first road test of the season. Unfortunately, I had a small test of my own.

Yes, while my friends were traveling to Chicago for some fun, I was a nervous wreck for my LSAT. Not only that, but I was being held hostage by my brother and his girlfriend, Jovauna. Let me explain:

So my LSAT was at Washtenaw Community College at 8:00 AM on Saturday morning. Since all my friends were in Chicago, I didn’t really have anyone to drive me there. I asked my brother to give me a ride, but he wasn’t fond of the idea of driving to my apartment at 7 AM to pick me up. Alas, my only choice was to stay with them the night before and wake their lazy asses up to take me in the morning. So that’s what I did.

The test itself started out rough. The other people in the room kept asking stupid questions, and I was afraid that their stupidity was rubbing off on me. I felt unfocused at the start, but slowly settled in. I felt fine when it was over, but all I wanted to do was get to a television and watch the game.

Because of the new Big Ten Network, Comcast was not covering this game on any of its channels. I had to go to Damon’s with my brother and Jovauna and stand at a bar to watch. Furthermore, it seemed like Michigan was going through the same struggles during their road test that I had during my test. They seemed unfocused and intimidated at first, as Northwestern took the lead during the first half. But slowly, Chad Henne took charge, and refocused his team. Mike Hart carried the offense, and Henne hit his receivers when necessary. The defense had a terrific fourth quarter, and Michigan escaped Evanston victorious. Michigan 28 – Northwestern 16.

At this point in the season, I’ve observed something very different about this football team. These seniors seem to be playing very tough, mentally…Tougher than I have ever seen them play. Mike Hart is literally carrying the team on his back, while Chad Henne is pushing through his injury to make plays. Can they continue the trend and salvage a season that started out so horribly, horribly wrong?

The Aftershock

2007-11-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

September 8th, 2007. Michigan Stadium.
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Oregon Ducks

Bounceback Game. After last week’s surprising loss to ASU, Michigan was the laughingstock of the nation. You could tell that people on campus felt embarrassed and shocked. Still, the general consensus was that Michigan would easily bounce back and annihilate an inferior Oregon squad. As Saturday approached, shock turned to optimism. Everyone knew Appalachian State was an aberration. Maybe it was the world’s way of paying us back for making so much fun of their recruitment commercial. Yes, Michigan fans seemed confident again. Michigan Football would return to glory, and all would be right with the world.

And then Dennis Dixon happened.

Oregon’s quarterback produced three touchdowns before halftime. Not only that, but with Oregon up 32-7 in the second quarter, Michigan fans turned on their heroes. Students began cheering “RYAN-MALLET” with each incomplete pass from Henne. Even after Chad injured his knee, and pushed through the pain for an entire series, Michigan fans tormented their quarterback. All in all, this was not a good day for Wolverine Nation. The team looked slow. The fans were abysmal. And a 0-2 start has students calling for Lloyd Carr’s head.

Final Score: Oregon 39 – Michigan 7

So now shock has turned to frustration. We are experiencing uncharted territory. This will divide the men from the boys. Is it too late to salvage the season? I think not.

The Shock

2007-09-07T22:24:00.000-07:00

September 1st, 2007. Opening Game. Michigan Stadium.
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Appalachian State University Mountaineers.

Standing in my seat with the rest of the Michigan Marching Band in Michigan Stadium, I struggled to comprehend exactly what was happening in front of my eyes. Appalachian State was leading Michigan 31-26 at the beginning of the fourth quarter during the opening game of the 2007 season. That’s right…Division I-AA Appalachian State was winning. That’s like a minor league team outplaying a major leaguer.

The 110,000 fans in the Big House all experienced a collective state of shock. How was Michigan going to escape this mess? Who would be the hero? I thought the answer was clear when Mike Hart, in a phenomenal effort, single-handedly willed a spectacular 54-yard touchdown run into the end zone with 4:36 left in the game, putting Michigan up 32-31.

Still, Appalachian State roared back with a 24-yard field goal with 26 seconds left to lead 34-32. Twenty-Six seconds left. Who would be the hero for Michigan? Chad Henne launched a ballsy 46-yard pass to Mario Manningham, putting Michigan back into field goal range with time left for one play. All that stood in the way of an extraordinary win for Michigan was a 37-yard field goal by kicker Jason Gingell as time expired. Crossing my fingers and holding hands with my fellow section members, I watched the final play unfold. The ball was snapped. My heart was racing. 110,000 people looked on as Gingell’s foot hit the pigskin, and…

Flashback: Three Days Earlier. Just a few weeks after returning to the U.S., I was already deeply immersed in the world of marching band. As a rank leader candidate, my “Band Week” was particularly long and strenuous, but certainly rewarding. My fellow rank leader candidates and I were delighted to see such improvement among the freshmen, and were expecting another awesome year. After practice one day, Alan and I ordered some Chinese food complete with tasty fortune cookies! I cracked mine open, and the fortune read:

“Your road to glory will be rocky, but fulfilling.”

So, of course, at first glance, I basically read it as “your road to glory will be blah blah trite cliché blah blah blah.” Then I thought about the football season ahead, and all the work I was putting into the Michigan Marching Band, and all the expectations for a championship. The road to glory will be rocky? Uh…not too rocky, I hope. Whatever…fortune cookies don’t mean much anyway.

Back to the game. Jason Gingell’s foot hit the ball. I could barely keep my eyes open. My fellow band members and I were petrified. Then it happened. Blocked. My heart immediately sank. The 110,000 fans that had been so vocal a few seconds earlier were now silent. In one of the biggest upsets in college football history, the hot, Hot, HOT Appalachian State Mountaineers did the unexpected.
Final Score: ASU 34, Michigan 32.

“Shock” is still the best word to describe my reaction. However, other Michigan fans embraced emotions of anger and frustration. It seemed as if within seconds, people were already calling for Coach Lloyd Carr’s head. Who should be blamed for this disaster?

So what happens now? How do we pick up the pieces? Do we continue to play the blame game, or do we rise back up and see what we’re made of? Many thought this would be the year Michigan would finally achieve greatness and make it to the National Championship Game. Now that’s impossible, but that doesn’t mean the road to glory is no longer traversable. Forget who should be blamed. Forget the anger. Forget the frustration. While the entire world writes Michigan off, there’s only one thing the Maize and Blue can do. Get back up. Show the world how good Michigan is. Be so good…so good that you can’t possibly be ignored.

Maybe Coach Taylor expressed this situation the best in NBC’s overly romanticized football show, Friday Night Lights:

“We will all, at some point in our lives, fall. We will all fall. We must keep this in our hearts. That what we have is special. That it can be taken from us. And when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls.”

And now Michigan will be tested. Ladies and Gentlemen, how can you not wonder how this story will unfold?

The Breakout

2007-08-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

As awesome as Paris is, my living situation has been pretty sketchy. I’ve spent the past five weeks in a hostel. At first, it wasn’t bad at all. By week six, however, it started to go a little downhill. Across the street from the hostel is a mental institution. You know, like the kind used in the phrase, “Mental Institution? Isn’t that just a euphemism for an insane asylum?” Well, they must have had a massive breakout or something, because the patients have been roaming around the hostel and screaming at all the people staying here. They keep coming up to me and speaking this crazy French babble, but I usually just walk away.

Well, run away.
With my arms flailing.

On top of the Mental Hospital Breakout, by week six, I started breaking out all over my face. It seemed like every time I looked in the mirror, a new pimple had sprouted. I started naming each of them after corrupt African politicians in an effort to help me study for my African Politics final, but I kept confusing Leon M’Ba with Jomo Kenyatta, and then Omar Bongo and Gnassinbé Éyadéma sort of merged together into one giant mass of pimpley corruption. That’s not weird or gross. Right?

I realized that I was probably breaking out because of all the germs around my hostel, and in the Paris metro trains. Each hostel bed has a pillow in it, and strangely, they don’t have pillow covers. Considering how much of a drooler I am, I decided against using that pillow during my last few days.

Oh, and as far as the metro is concerned, I just tried not to touch anything at all there. It wasn’t easy, though. In fact, when you exit the subway, you always have to pass through these doors that say “Poussez Ici,” pronounced POOSE-SAY E-C, or in English: “Push Here.” When you think about it, so many people touch that door with their disgusting hands every day. So how come everyone in Paris isn’t breaking out? Maybe not showering helps? I am so confused.

(This probably isn't a good idea.)

So, yeah….some advice for any of you planning on traveling to Paris: Don’t Touch Anything. And if you do, just try to wash your hands frequently. And never touch your face. Believe me, even if it says to “Push Here,” it’s still filthy. I’m telling you right now…be careful. The entire city is filled with some really dirty “poussez.”

Score:

France: 7

Paul: 3

The Fondue Refuge

2007-08-01T04:21:00.000-07:00

We found a really cool fondue restaurant in the heart of Montmartre called “Refuge des Fondue.” The entire place was about the size of a dorm room, and we had to climb over the tables to get to our seats. Once seated, we had several choices. The Cheese Fondue came with a pot of hot, melted cheese and endless bread for dipping. There was also a Meat Fondue, which involved a pot of boiling oil and some raw beef that could be cooked inside, along with some potatoes and a selection of sauces on the side. Naturally, we had all of the above.

Side Note:

I'm basically a pimp.

On top of all this, the entire meal came with unlimited red wine. The Catch: You had to drink it out of a baby bottle. And when you ran out, you had to cry “Wahhhhhhh!” to get them to refill it. It was weird/fun? Oh, what will these Frenchies think of next…

Sitting on the other side of the restaurant, (and by other side, I mean essentially in our laps,) were a group of students speaking several different languages, including English, French, German, and something that sounded like all three languages put together, but then spoken backwards. When we asked where they were from, they all had different answers. One girl, however, told me she was from Michigan. When I told her that I went to U of M, she started rattling off names of people asking if I knew them.

One after the other, she said a name that I didn’t recognize at all, until she said “Steve Pappas?”

Me: “Pappas?! Pappas is my hero!!!”

Turns out that this girl knew Pappas from high school or something and dated Pappas’ housemate. So I called Pappas on her phone and he seemed slightly confused to here my voice…from another friend’s phone number…from Paris. Small World.

Still, if you know Pappas, you probably aren’t surprised. He is a man among men, and his legacy extends beyond the limits of the state of Michigan, and he has touched lives across the globe. Pappas, I salute you. My hero.

Current Score:
France: 5, Paul: 3, Steve Pappas: 6894

Me and my hero.

Another old and, slightly bizzare, picture of me and Pappas

The Fourteenth

2007-07-23T04:36:00.000-07:00

One of the most important days in France is July 14th: Bastille Day. Basically like a French independence day, signifying the time when the people of Paris stormed the Bastille to free its prisoners (though, in reality, the prison was empty). I had a full schedule for the holiday beginning at 7:00 A.M., when I left Paris to visit some champagne manufacturers in the Champagne region. The first place was a huge industrial plant where they had miles of underground caves filled with champagne bottles, slowly aging.

The whole experience was pretty educational. For example, only products developed in the Champagne region of France can be called champagne. From anywhere else, it’s probably called sparkling wine. Also, once you buy champagne, it must be stored horizontally, and in a cool place.

We also visited a small family-owned champagne business. The owner told me about all of the neighborhood children who drive through his garage door and steal his champagne. He seemed pretty excited about his new defense strategy, which was a heavy-duty gate secretly placed on the inside of his garage, which would catch the young thieves off guard and certainly mess up their vehicles. Then he gave an evil little chuckle. Heh heh Heh.

We also had an AWESOME lunch included on the trip. To this day, I have no clue what the main dish was. It was meat, but it wasn’t. The sauce on top was as if it had thickened after cooking the way sauce normally does, but at the same time, as if it was never sauce from the start. The objects surrounding the meat substance seemed edible, but really, no more so than the strange off-white plate on which they were sitting. I ate the whole thing, confused, but satisfied. Afterwards came dessert. It was called soupe de fraise (strawberry soup), which, to me, tasted like chopped up strawberries in a bowl full of kool-aid. I didn’t think it was that great, until I saw the hefty price on the menu, and convinced myself that kool-aid soup had to be one of the best desserts I’ve ever had. Oh, YEAH!

On the way back to Paris, we stopped at a huge cathedral in Rimes. Normally, I don’t concern myself with such things as artistic beauty and glorious architecture, but even I thought this place was pretty cool. Tall pillars, stained glass windows…even the French bums outside seemed to have a holy aura surrounding them. You know…separate from their normal aura of heinous body odor.

And finally, I got back to Paris around 9:30 PM. That gave me about an hour to get to the Bastille Day fireworks. I didn’t know where exactly to go, just that I had to get through the whole of Paris and end up somewhere close to the Eiffel Tower. I got to my metro station as the train pulled up. Full. And when I say ‘full’, I mean there were limbs hanging out of the windows and babies being held over people’s heads. I waited for the next train. Eureka! I managed to force myself into a spot between two children and an old woman, just behind a skinny Nigerian girl, and slightly to the right of the entire population of Paris’ 14th Arondissement. Perfect Fit.

So as the entire Fourteenth Arondissement accompanied me to the July Fourteenth Fireworks, we were all shocked as our train approached the Eiffel Tower train stop, and then completely skipped it, and dropped us off across the river. Curse you, Paris. Foiled again! I got out and had to somehow get back across the river by foot. When I got to the bridge, the Parisian police force stood as a human wall, forbidding anyone to cross. Using my precious gift of logic, I noticed that it was possible to, well, simply walk around them.

I walked through the crowds on the bridge and made it to the other side. From here, I stood on the side of a road between the bank of the Seine and the Eiffel Tower. Perfect. Still, I wasn’t sure if the fireworks would come from over the Champ de Mars, over the river, or from the Eiffel Tower itself. Using my aforementioned logic, I figured that I could just observe the people sitting on the sides of the road and face whichever way they seemed to be looking. Strangely, the people on one side of the street were all facing the people on the other side, and vice versa. Unless the fireworks were happening directly over this road, half of the people in the vicinity were obviously looking the wrong way. I hovered on the side of the road where people seemed slightly less clueless, and parked myself.

Alas, moments later, a firework blasted just behind my back and scared the crap out of me, and I was enormously frustrated to be on the side of the road of the idiots, who all stood up and turned around toward the river saying things like “Oh, it’s over there.” Still, the fireworks were pretty extraordinary, and went on for about an hour. Throughout the show, music was being placed from huge speakers at the foot of the Eiffel Tower. While some of the music seemed unusually Earthy and spiritual, most of it was just John Williams stuff from American movies. Go, French Pride! All in all, a good show.

After it ended, I sprinted to the nearest metro, only to find the line all the way outside the entrance and around the block. Then I ran to the next stop. Same situation. At this point, I realized that the best way back to my place would be to just walk the 90 minute trip back. When I walked back to my building, I was famished. It was late, so I could only walk to a nearby vending machine and grab a snack. As I pulled out my wallet, I realized that felt pretty proud of myself for conquering Paris on such a busy day. After this thought though, I saw that the machine only took coins, and then noticed that I had none left. Curse you, Paris! Foiled again!!!

So I returned to my room with exactly the same thing that the Parisians found inside The Bastille on that Fourteenth of July in 1789 when they stormed the entrance:

Absolutely nothing.

Current Score:

France: 5 Paul: 1

The Portuguese Ingenuity

2007-07-21T06:27:00.000-07:00

If you have ever been to France, you know that they don’t concern themselves with such trivial concepts like showering and wearing deodorant. They consider abhorrent body odors a “natural part of life.” My personal reaction to this notion was that rotten teeth are a “natural part of life,” too, so why is tooth-brushing a common practice in France? There seems to be a major plot hole in the book of French societal norms.

Alas, my point: After much deliberation, I have decided not to assimilate into this one particular aspect of French culture. Yes, it sounds blasphemous, but I plan to shower here in France. And not just sparingly, but EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. HA! Still, it’s as if the French have learned of my wretched plan and are doing everything that they can to prevent me from achieving this goal of (gasp!) good hygiene. They even rigged my shower to be as inefficient as possible. To operate it, I have to push a button, after which I get about 12 seconds worth of lukewarm water before it turns off again. And I suppose they think that’s all the cleaning I need, and that I will submit to their shower usage hegemony.

Oh…ho..ho..ho, silly Frenchies. You forgot about my Portuguese ingenuity. Yes, the uncanny ability passed down through the generations to solve any problem with merely a penny and a string. I glanced quickly across my dorm room. Aha! I pulled an elastic cable off of my suitcase, then wrapped it around the shower ‘button.’ I can easily tighten it and loosen it as I please. Eureka! Constant water flow! With this new technology, I can shower for five…ten….even TWENTY minutes! Mwahahaha…..

All thanks to my Portuguese blood. My entire family would be proud: Young and Old. Foolish and Wise. Smelly and Clean.

Current Score:

France: 1 Paul: 1

The Paris

2007-07-13T05:33:00.000-07:00

Hey, all! Haven’t updated in a while since internet access in France is outrageously BAD. Anyway, I spent two weeks in Provence eating cheese and drinking wine before I took the train up here to Paris. I’m taking a summer class at the American University of Paris until August 10th.

A few days ago, I arrived in Paris all by myself. Lost. Confused. Walking around aimlessly through the streets with an embarrassingly bright blue duffel bag in a foreign country. After a while, I finally found my hostel/living quarters down some dark alley and across the street from a mental institution. Sweet.

After I put my stuff in my room, I wandered the streets once again for a cyber café so I could check my email. I have to reiterate how bad computer access is in Paris. While I’m normally joined at the hip with my computer at school, I felt completely naked here in France. Lost. Confused. Naked. In the streets of Paris.

Oh, and starving. I also hadn’t eaten much for about two days. I’m so stingy to begin with, and the conversion rate makes me want to starve myself rather than buy a meal. I eventually obtained some fine Parisian dining for about 4 Euros, which, if I calculated it correctly, is equivalent to about $275:

My First Parisian Meal:

Current Score:

Paul: 0 France: 1

Notable Quotables

2007-06-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

News Reporter: “In local news, an Echo Park girl is raped by a 22 year-old man. The Pictures – at 11:00.”
Me: “Pictures?”
-TV anchor in local news commercial.

“Yea, I had to examine his private area. Believe me…I wasn’t impressed.”
-One of the doctors at work after examining a patient.

Dad: “The Cleaning Lady stole our plunger!”
Mom: “Are you sure? Why would they steal the plunger and not my jewelry?”
Kisho: “Well, to Mexican people, plungers are like gold.”

Me: “Mom, I don’t think you realize how fat the cat has gotten. Why don’t you just feed it less?”
Mom: “It’s survival of the fittest. Boots bites me, and I feed him.”

The Company Picnic

2007-06-22T23:48:00.000-07:00

Let me just say that our family outings are absolutely rife with dysfunction and verge on worldwide social upheaval. A couple days ago, my mom and dad took me, Nicky, and Ashton to Mom’s company picnic for all of the doctors in her office. It was about 45 minutes away, so Step One involved us driving from Point A to Point B without any significant injuries. To facilitate the experience, my dad was using some new portable GPS system with some computer woman’s voice to navigate us. Just as we pulled out of the driveway, my mom began lecturing us:

Mom: “Okay, boys. When we’re at the party, you guys need to make sure you act rich. All the other doctors think we’re rich since we live in La Cañada, and I don’t want them to know the truth.”
Us: “Okay, Mom.”
Mom: “Good. You can practice on the way over.”
Ashton: “Let’s see…Can I say, ‘I know I just got a laptop for my bar mitzvah…but can I have a new one?’”
Mom: “Yeah, like that. Good one!”

GPS Lady: “After 100 Feet, Turn Right onto 2 Freeway South”
Dad: “See…she’s telling us where to go.”
Mom: “I don’t need her to tell me. I can get there myself.”

Nicky: “How about this? We just got a brand new Mercedes. I don’t really like it that much.”
Me: “I know. The color is awful. I feel like I can only drive it in La Crescenta. Can we get a better Mercedes so that I won’t be embarrassed to be seen in, Mom?”
Mom: “That’s good. But we don’t want to sound too much like jerks.”

GPS Lady: “After 100 Feet, Merge Right. Take the 134 Freeway ramp. Ventura.”
Mom: “Stupid GPS Bitch. I know how to get there.”
Dad: “She’s just trying to help!”

Me: “Speaking of help, good help is SOOO hard to find. I mean, our cleaning ladies aren’t very good at cleaning my room. You know…Whatshername…Rosario or Maria or whatever.”
Ashton: “Yea, I know. I saw her the other day and I was like, “Maria, you didn’t clean my room bueno enough.”

Mom: “Ashton! No, you can’t say stuff like that! You guys can act rich without being racist!”

(Silence)

GPS Lady: “Now drive to the end of the road, and take the Ferry.”

Everyone: “What?”

The actual picnic experience can’t effectively be put into words. Basically, Dad discussed Chinese restaurants with every seemingly Asian-looking person at the party, Mom somehow won a massive pair of sunglasses, which were subsequently stolen by a little kid, Ashton terrorized the Bounce House, Nicky got harassed by a magician, then plotted exactly how Rowlf would go about eating all of the little children at the party, then somehow broke the entire playground, and I stole a bunch of food and smuggled it home. Go Us!

The Paycheck

2007-06-22T23:46:00.000-07:00

So, the University of Michigan gave me a rash. No joke. Allow me to explain:

For some reason, my last paycheck from my school job didn’t go through and I didn’t get paid for my final two weeks. Unfortunately, by payday, I was already home in California, my rent check was already at the landlord’s in Ann Arbor, and the nearest TCF bank was 2000 miles away, so I couldn’t easily make a deposit. When I contacted the payroll people about it, they said it “errored out,” and they would fix it. After nothing happened, I called them again, and they said it “errored out” again because of some financial aid issue. Ultimately, I got paid 3 hours after my rent check was cashed, earning me a hefty $33 fee!

Meanwhile, I was at home preparing to interview for some summer jobs. My dad took my nice clothes to the dry-cleaners, and I only had one chance to go pick them up before my interview. Alas, my parents didn’t leave me any money to pay for it, and I didn’t have any money in my bank accounts (thanks to Michigan Payroll). Bottom line is, I couldn’t get my dry-cleaning. For my interview, I had to borrow one of my dad’s shirts, which he picked up a few days before from the other, “organic” dry cleaner store since the normal dry cleaners had only just reopened following their Store-On-Fire-Clothes-Went-Up-In-Flames debacle from a few months ago. Whatev.

Apparently, the “organic” dry-cleaned clothes had some nasty reaction with my skin, and I got a rash across my arms and shoulders. Sucks.

So because I didn’t get paid, my rent check bounced…And I was charged a $33 fee. And I couldn’t afford dry-cleaning. And I didn’t have any money to buy my Ohio State Football Tickets from the band before they ran out. And I have a rash.

Thanks, Michigan Payroll. You Rock.

The Summer Job

2007-06-22T23:45:00.000-07:00

I’m home in L.A. for the summer and working to earn money for my tuition, rent, etc. Since I’m only here for two months, I couldn’t get any solid internships or anything like that, so I’m working for the Gastroenterology Department at USC Medical Center. My main duties, you ask?! Well, I have to prepare patients for their colonoscopies and teach them how to empty their bowels. It’s a pretty crappy job. Literally. CRAP.

Anyway, I mainly work for a guy named Dr. Yang. And teaching people how to shit out their insides so he can scope ‘em out is not exactly how I planned on spending my summer, but it’s a job. And Dr. Yang can be very generous:

Dr. Yang: “Well, Paul, you are more than welcome to scrub in on any procedures!”
Me: “That’s gross.”
Dr. Yang: “Well the offer’s there. You sure?”
Me: “Yeah…..uh…No, thanks.”

The Power Outage

2007-06-22T23:43:00.000-07:00

Here is Reason #708 why my family can’t function at home when I’m not there:

So, we have a cable that powers our house that stretches over our swimming pool for some wildly idiotic reason. Anyway, a few weeks before I came home for the summer, all the lights in the house started flickering, and then Ashton’s computer started to make shocking noises until smoke was coming out of it. Eventually, every light and electronic device in the house went out until my dad somehow fixed the cable. Unfortunately, our refrigerator somehow got zapped in the process and wasn’t working anymore. For about a week, our house was sans-Fridge, and my dad accommodated for this by installing Scott’s old dorm room micro-fridge in the laundry room, and (not-so-cleverly) on top of the dryer. This would have been a satisfactory alternative, except the vibrations from the dryer kept tossing around all the food inside and whenever someone opened it, that person would be bombarded with yogurts, or lunch meat, or half-full cans of cat food, as everything fell out onto the floor.

If any of you come over to my house and want something to drink, I suggest opening any soda cans at your own risk! DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM.

The Mystery of the Missing Headphones

2007-06-22T23:41:00.000-07:00

So, since Ashton doesn’t like using his ghetto computer speakers, he uses a pair of headphones with an unnecessarily long 12-foot cable that Dad gave him. He woke up the other day only to find that the aforementioned headphones were missing from his computer and everything on his desk was shuffled all over the place. He looked frantically until he saw a cable stretched across the dining room floor.

Ashton leaned over and gave it a tug, but it wouldn’t budge. When he investigated the matter, he found Teddy lying under the table, completely wrapped in headphone wires. After a few more tugs, Teddy finally got up and walked off…with the cable and headphones dragging across the floor behind her. Ashton desperately tried to unwrap her, which is no easy task, seeing as how Teddy is old and decrepit and can barely move her limbs as it is, until he got to the root of the source. And by “source”, I mean Teddy’s butt. And by “root”, I mean the poop jammed in her butt that was sticking to the headphone cable. Huzzah!

The Lowdown

2007-06-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

I should probably explain a few things to prevent any confusion.

A lot of these posts describe my friends and family. Sometimes, especially with my brothers, I may refer to them using different nicknames. Here is a guide to start out:

Me: Paul

My older brother (22): Scott
My younger brother (18): Nicky, aka "The Prap," aka "Prapo"
My youngest brother (15): Ashton, aka "Kisho," aka "Kishant," aka "Baby"

.....Really, just don't ask, I'll clarify later.