The Tears and the Years

(to follow The Big Game)

I joined the saddened and tearful band members for our last post-game performance of the season. Traditionally, the seniors perform a senior show after post-game. Though we had hoped to do this amidst the thrill and excitement of victory, we could only feel icy, cold, wet defeat. One bright spot was that this was my opportunity to conduct “Hey, Jude,” a song that is particularly meaningful to me, as it was part of our performance on our Rose Bowl trip my freshman year.


As I stood on the ladder conducting my friends, I couldn’t help but feel that I had been in this position before…conducting under a cold sheet of rain, amidst a sad and tragic atmosphere. In many ways, my band experience during my senior year of high school ended in a similar state. The ups and downs…the hopes and dreams…and the final heartrending and disappointing swan song…but that’s a story for another day.

The point is this: After four years of putting your heart and soul into something, you begin to formulate an ideal end – a grand finale – in your thoughts. The fulfillment of this dream, this quintessential conclusion, becomes supremely important. To miss out on the fruition of this, only to experience tragic defeat, is an unfortunate and unwelcome reality.

Sure, at first this seemed devastating. Many of my peers were even crying, and I really couldn’t blame them. Still, I realized that one loss does not completely determine the success or failure of four years of my life. I thought back to the advice I offered the future drum majors when I stepped down from that role at the end of my senior year in high school:

“Remember, it’s not the end result that matters. What matters is the journey you take to get there. Always try to take the right path.”

So there you have it. Despite the bitter end, I have a lot of proud moments to look back on. The triple-overtime win over MSU. My personal Rose Bowl homecoming. The thrilling victory over Penn State. The destruction of Brady Quinn and the Irish. The Game of the Century against Ohio State. This year’s gutsy wins over Illinois and MSU.

As I marched off the field on this cold, emotional day, I thought: Today’s loss doesn’t undermine the emotion and the pride I have felt over the past four years. It merely reminds me that the world is full of trials and tribulations, but life does not have to be absolutely perfect in order to be fulfilling. I have been a part of great things in this stadium, and those are the memories that I will carry with me forever. Those are the events that make me who I am. And those are the moments that I kept in my thoughts as I walked out of the stadium one last time, amidst the cool, silent air…beneath the gentle glow of the Saturday night lights.






And now back to that quote from my senior year. That’s a pretty mature statement coming from a 17-year old. I’m pretty impressed…and I’m ‘me’. Now that the season is over, and Bowl Trip is over a month away, I should reflect on my lifelong band experience. What led me to see things the way I do; To see that…between the good and the bad...the weeks and the months…the tears and the years, we must always remember to appreciate our successes, and learn from our missteps.

And if we make sure to remember that…then no, we really can’t lose, can we?

The Big Game

November 17, 2007. Michigan Stadium.
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Ohio State Buckeyes

Gameday. We were focused. We meant business. I arrived on the steps of Revelli Hall at dawn and joined my fellow seniors for one final performance of “Salvation is Created”. As the sun rose, the light shone off the dewed sidewalks, reflecting the iridescent colors of fall, of our instruments, of the morning sky, and of the maize and blue atmosphere. With each ascending line of the magnificent piece, I yearned more for my own salvation; for the glory that this day could bring for Michigan faithful.

The rigor and intensity of the marching rehearsal was assuaged by the cool morning breeze. The practice was almost a formality. We knew we were prepared. It was almost as if the difficulty of this particular show scared us into focusing that much harder…just so we would be ready for the game. The Alto Tailgate was delicious as usual, but I was less focused on stuffing my face and more focused on watching ESPN College Gameday and getting into my uniform.

I went back to my apartment with Tom and Dustin to get changed. Seeing Ann Arbor on College Gameday was pretty exciting. We verbally abused Kirk Herbsteit while putting on our uniforms for our final march to the stadium. We even wore eyeblack to look that much more intimidating. Then we joined our fellow section members and paraded to the Big House. Even though the air was frigid, the rain was falling, and the odds were against us, we remained focused on the task at hand.



My final pregame in Michigan Stadium was a tearjerker. It’s impossible to adequately describe the feeling of coming out of the tunnel. Just imagine the nothingness…the utter silence within the concrete walls of Michigan Stadium, save for one constant drumbeat, beating in tempo with the hearts and minds of 235 maize and blue-clad musicians. Immediately, the silence vanishes behind you as if it never existed, and is replaced by the raucous cheering of 112,000 passionate fans in every direction. The first note of “M Fanfare” ignites the air, fueled by the ageless Michigan tradition. Even after all these years, the overwhelming nature of the piece still engages the fans, making them feel as if they are hearing it for the first time. As we march across the field to the tune of “The Victors,” the weight of our legs becomes exponentially more burdensome. However, the singing and chanting voices of the crowd serve as a momentary steroid, stimulating our adrenaline and inspiring us to push ourselves to the limit. Meanwhile, the faint boos of the opposing fans are heard in the background, just enough to make their presence known and motivate our Michigan pride. As we march off the field, it seems as if the last twelve minutes were both the shortest and longest of our lives. The perpetual struggle to endure the difficulty of pregame, compounded with the ephemeral transition from silence to riotous cheering to fleeting exhilaration, all of which is elegantly moderated by the timeless emotion and tradition that is 'Michigan Football'.

The game we were waiting for was finally underway. Chad Henne and Mike Hart were both playing, and we took a 3-0 lead early on. The band members around me were as fiery as I had seen them, treating our momentary lead with both satisfaction and guarded optimism. OSU’s running back Chris ‘Beanie’ Wells became the bulk of the opposing offense. He scored a touchdown in the second quarter, and OSU led 7-3 at the half. So far, it was a defensive struggle, but the cheers from band members did not subside. We took the field for our halftime performance, pouring our collective energy into the final challenging show in Michigan Stadium.

After halftime, the crowd was rejuvenated. We returned to our seats to cheer on our heroes, our efforts bolstered by the screams of the nearby student section. Before long, however, Beanie Wells silenced those cheers with an early third quarter touchdown. Suddenly, the student section was not a factor. The energy and excitement seemed limited to just the band section. We continued to cheer, but the football team produced one three-and-out after another. Slowly, the cheers around me subsided and the marching band crowd absorbed into the silence of the student section. Each subsequent three-and-out was like a twist of a knife. All of the faces around me showed concern and heartbreak. The icy rain and moldy marching band raincoats only added to our misery. As the fourth quarter wound down, all hope seemed lost. The reality was that the senior football players would indeed finish 0-4 against their bitter rival. I would graduate without ever beating OSU. And as the clock struck zero, Lloyd Carr walked off the field one last time, with a tragic loss in his final home game.

Final Score: Ohio State 14 – Michigan 3

The Eve of Battle

Today has been a pretty exciting day of immersing myself in the Michigan tradition. We had a Fanfare Band gig this morning at Schembechler Hall, where the football team practices. It was for a ceremony to recognize the construction of a new football practice facility. Coach Carr was there, looking classy and business-like as usual. Man, do I love him. Any chance to play for him makes me feel all warm and bubbly inside. This calls for a happy face moment…yup…here it is: ☺

That felt good. However, on our way out of the building, we walked by some medical room where we could see Chad Henne lying on a hospital-type bed. He didn’t look so great, either. I really hope he can play tomorrow. Otherwise, you know what’s gonna happen. That’s right…here it is:

:(


Band practice was pretty freezing today, but the show is actually going pretty well. There were a lot of fans that braved the conditions to see us today. All of Ann Arbor seems blissfully high on Michigan spirit. It’s awesome.

After practice, we literally had to run to the Diag for another Fanfare Band gig. This was for the Beat OSU Pep Rally, part of the newly formed “Beat OSU Week.” It was really exciting…Jamie Morris spoke, John Bacon spoke, Jim Brandstatter spoke, and I had a front row seat for all of it. Also, College Gameday is coming to Ann Arbor…and we’re playing for the Big Ten Title and a Rose Bowl berth. Everything seems to be in place for what could be one of the best Saturdays of my life…



So, cross your fingers. It’s time to kick the tires and light the fires. I’m hoping for a glorious day tomorrow…For the Maize and Blue. For the players. For Coach Carr. And for all the dedicated Michigan fans who stood by their team during such a turbulent year.

Go Blue!

The Fighting Hearts Ailing

So, just by being a member of the Michigan Marching Band, you are constantly immersed in Michigan football tradition. In fact, any band member would probably agree that the performance of the football team affects how you act in your daily life. It affects your mood, it affects your relationships…it’s almost as if we are living vicariously through the lives of players on the field.

That being said, the emotional roller coaster that is Michigan Athletics is enough to take years off of your life. On top of that, the physical damage on your body induced by the marching techniques we do doesn’t help. I have rarely marched in peak physical health at any point during my four years. As a freshman, I pulled a hip flexor and limped my way through September. My sophomore year, I nearly collapsed during Band Week for reasons I still can’t understand. Last year, I managed to sprain my ankle just before Rank Leader Retreat.

This year, however, has been slightly different. I’ve been pretty healthy from the get-go. Plus, I’m not fat. (Seriously, there are a surprising amount of hefty people in the MMB). Nevertheless, during recent weeks, I feel like my legs and ankles have been turning into, for lack of a better word, “mush”. And it seems like my injuries have worsened as the football players’ have done the same. Hence my initial point. See how I tied that together there? You’re so smart, Paul. And such a pretty face, too!

Anyway, I was lucky to have a weekend off, as the Wisconsin game is away and I’m not travelling. Unfortunately, Chad Henne and Mike Hart took the weekend off, as well. Both have injuries, and weren’t playing. Chad took a few snaps, but clearly couldn’t do much. Hart didn’t play at all. We lost. Final Score: Wisconsin 37, Michigan 21. It was just all…very depressing. I’m hoping that we can all take this next week to heal. I just don’t want to experience another loss to Ohio State, but it seems like all the elements are against us right now. Gotta have faith in my Wolverines! One week to go!

The Calm Before the Storm

Great News! My legs are feeling much less mushy right now…which is excellent, because our show this week is pretty strenuous. We’re doing a Cirque de Soleil show, which involves crazy backwards-follow-the-leader-blindly-imminent-disaster-certain-impending-doom moves. Still, it’s nice to have a challenging show for my last game in Michigan Stadium. What’s NOT nice is having to practice it in such freezing conditions. On top of that…we’re learning Senior Show this week, which involves even more rehearsal in the bitter, bitter cold. On the bright side, I do get to conduct “Hey, Jude!”

I’m excited for Saturday, but I’m also painfully nervous. After putting so much dedication and emotion into being a marching band member and a Michigan fan over the past four years, you can see why I’d like to go out on a high note (punny!). Not only that, but with these senior football players, and with what could possibly be Lloyd Carr’s last Big Ten game, I’m wishing for a win for them, as well.

Honestly, this is all pretty nerve-wracking. A win this weekend will be very fulfilling. A loss…well…I really don’t want to go through that again.