The Progression

October 13th, 2007. Michigan Stadium
The University of Michigan Wolverines versus the Purdue Boilermakers

Following a four game winning streak, it seemed like Michigan Football was progressing back in the right direction. With so many home games, and my classes, and everything else, I started to feel physically and emotionally drained. Fortunately for me, Fall Break was ahead. All that stood in the way was a talented Purdue team.

The Michigan offense started out aggressively. After just a few minutes, Henne had already completed one touchdown to Mario Manningham. Purdue responded and tied it up midway through the first quarter. However, what followed was some of the most efficient offensive play I’ve seen since being a student at Michigan. After two Mike Hart touchdowns, two Carlos Brown touchdowns, and another Manningham receiving touchdown, the scoreboard read Michigan 48 – Purdue 7. Purdue would score in garbage time, but the end of the game still left me satisfied. Final Score: Michigan 48 – Purdue 21.

At this point, it was clear that a break from football was needed. And what could better fill that void than ALTO PROG!

What is Alto Prog, you ask? Well, if my parents are reading this blog, this is where you stop and move on to the next entry. Otherwise, just replace every mention of an alcoholic beverage with a type of flower, or fluffy animal, or something like that. Yup. Completely innocent here.

Anyway…Alto Prog. This is where all of the members of the Alto Saxophone section come together for an evening and progress from house to house, enjoying a different drink (tulip? bunny rabbit?) at each stop. This year’s theme was….well….‘me’. “Paul Prog” began with a Case Race symbolizing “Paul’s Conception”, where we split into three teams and drank three cases of beer as fast as possible. The winning group would achieve my conception! Because isn’t that the most difficult race of your existence anyway?

Next stop: Paul’s’ Bar Mitzvah. Here, we had a candle lighting ceremony where we recognized each member of the section. They all joined me to light their candles, and then Alan played Hava Nagila on his saxophone while the alto masses lifted me into the air on a chair. It was sublime.

Then came the Mojitos. This was meant to represent my first halftime show, which was the Latin Show during my freshman year. All in all, this was one of the best drinks of the night.

Then came my stop. Paul’s First Love: Tequila Shots. I won’t give a background story here, other than the fact that I am completely innocent, and I spend all of my free time petting animals or feeding the homeless. Anyway, while everyone enjoyed their shots, complete with salt and lime, I was frantically cooking made-to-order crepes in my kitchen. I made about 50 crepes in 35 minutes. Each person had their choice of ingredients, including nutella, bananas, strawberries, whip cream, and coconut. Best drunk food EVER.

Up next was rum and apple cider. Yes, this signified my first real Fall in Ann Arbor. And Pat and Nicole did an excellent job mixing these drinks (arranging flowers).

Craig’s stop was “Paul Goes to the Beach.” They asked me to parade around with my shirt off here, but I declined. Instead, I happily enjoyed the sex on the beach drinks.

Finally, our last stop was “Paul’s First Kiss.” We each enjoyed peppermint patties, which consisted of drinking peppermint schnapps and washing it down with chocolate syrup. This was definitely the messiest stop, and we all probably pet the bunnies a little more than we should have.

Anyway, the evening ended at a huge house party, and the altos seemed satisfied with the evening. Yes, this was definitely the best Alto Prog yet, and it’ll be a tough one to beat. Fall Break is ahead, but after that, it’s back to work. This season is still just beginning.