The Homelessness

After finally receiving my Bachelor's degree, it didn't take long before I found myself on the streets. Maybe this email plea that I sent out to all of my friends can clarify things:

Date: Apr 26, 2008
Subj: I'm Homeless! (with a bachelor's degree)

Hey, Everyone,

So, my lease is up tomorrow night and I'm getting kicked out of my apartment. Unfortunately, I cannot move into my sublet until May 1st. If anybody has an extra bedroom, or even a couch that I could live on from Sunday night through Wednesday night, and could help me out, please let me know. Everything from my apartment has been stored elsewhere, so I don't really have much stuff...just a couple small bags and my hamster.

Unlike some homeless people, I do have a bachelor's degree, and I'm clean, and I shower regularly, so you don't have to worry about that. My hamster on the other hand....well....at least he lives in a cage, which is more shelter than I have available at the moment. Anyway, please let me know if you can help me out. I really appreciate it!

Thanks!!!

-Paul


Luckily for me, I had several offers. Still, I knew that 'Kitty', my hamster, would be more of a hassle than my friends realized, so I decided that it would be best if I stayed at a different place each night.

For my first night, I stayed on my friend Travis' couch. He was already amused with my apparent homelessness, but he thought it very bizarre that I was walking the streets of Ann Arbor with a hamster cage in hand.

"What are you going to do with him while you're at work?", he asked.

Good question. Hmmmm. "I think I'm just going to leave him in the KKY/TBS office."

My fraternity had an office in the Michigan Union. Though, carrying a live animal through such a public place would likely be frowned upon. I ended up smuggling kitty's cage in underneath a sheet. Believe me, it was not discreet at all.

For Night Two, I stayed in Scott's condo. Kitty seemed much happier there at first, but Jek, Scott's dog, was absolutely out of control. He yapped constantly at the fuzzy critter that was only slightly smaller than himself. Before long, Kitty was panicked, and huddled in the corner of his cage in fear of a runt of a dog that no human being would ever find intimidating.

After another day of smuggling Kitty into the Union, I was offered an actual bed at my friend Jocelyn's house. Her roommate was out of town, so a whole room was available. At this point, it was obvious that Kitty was absolutely miserable. He had probably outgrown the cage, and wanted more than anything to get out, constantly trying to chew through the bars. I suppose this is partly my fault since I tended to overfeed him. Between me and Brian, we probably fed him twice as much hamster food as was recommended, and we both occassionally gave him little treats, like Wheat Thins or Cereal. Or Pasta. Or Steak. Or...Human Blood.

Anyway, I noticed that he really didn't fit in his cage anymore, and struggled to manuver through his little hamster tubes. "Just hang in there, Kitty," I told him. In one more day, I'd be in my new apartment, and I could finally let Kitty out for a bit.

During my last day of Kitty-smuggling, I was no longer making any attempts to be stealth. I walked right through the Union with my hamster cage out for the world to see, received the subsequent looks of shock, and held my head high. Not because I was proud, but because Kitty was really starting to smell bad.

"Just a couple more hours, Kitty." I placed his cage down on the desk in the KKY/TBS office, and grabbed my things to head to work. I think he may have understood me a little, because he seemed to be much less miserable all of a sudden, and started to run around the cage for a bit, weaving his fat hamster butt through the tubes.

After I finished work, I returned to the Union to pick up Kitty and take him to my new apartment. When I opened the door, a horrible, wretched sight lay before my eyes. Kitty was inside one of the tubes, his eyes and mouth wide open. He wasn't responding at all, and I quickly took apart the cage and pulled the tubes apart. I shook Kitty out of the tube and he plopped onto the floor of the cage like a rock. He was clearly dead, and moreover, he was soaking wet and reeked of urine.

It's difficult to put my frustration into words. Yes, I was upset that my beloved hamster died, but I think I was even more upset that I had worked so hard over the past few days taking care of him, only to have him die just before I moved into my new apartment. Apparently, all of my work was for nothing.

Could looking at the situation this way be considered cruel? Nah, I don't think so. Could disposing of him in the dumpster be considered cruel? I don't know. Could overfeeding your hamster, smuggling him around town, stuffing him in a cage too small for him, and causing him to get trapped in the hamster tubes and drown in his own piss be considered cruel? Well...umm...I....I think this blog entry needs to end now.